


Amends

by GoFloatYourself



Series: Milestones [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Neji and Hinata are Not Related, Smut, made up clan politics, no beta we die like men, the voice in the back of your head is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:16:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28791588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoFloatYourself/pseuds/GoFloatYourself
Summary: After a tumultuous childhood and an unfortunate avoidance of any accountability, Neji is forced to confront his greatest regret head on. It's about as uncomfortable as he could have predicted.Meanwhile, Hinata is just feeling as though she's found her place in the world when the past comes back around to harass her, dredging up old feelings and forcing her to decide just how much of her life she wants to let the clan run. Kiba doesn't make that any easier by taking things very, very personally.
Relationships: Aburame Shino/Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hinata/Hyuuga Neji
Series: Milestones [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091978
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	Amends

**Author's Note:**

> For the purposes of the series, I'm separating the main and branch houses a bit more, so Hinata and Neji aren't related beyond being members of the same clan. 
> 
> This is semi-canon compliant, if you just take everything up to the chunin exams, plus the characters and setting, none of which belong to me. No beta, so mistakes are all mine. I've made up some stuff about clan politics and traditions as background elements which, hey, could be true in theory.

The news that he had been engaged to be married was delivered so blithely that it almost completely passed Neji by, sandwiched as it was between a conversation about how his recent mission had contributed to the standing of the Hyuuga clan and an almost immediate subject change to how he was expected to perform in his jounin qualification exam. His apparent betrothed was not present, presumably being separately informed by her mother of the arrangement, and the announcement was handled with such seeming disinterest that they were well into the lecture on his upcoming jounin exam before his brain had managed to formulate anything like a response. 

At which point, a lifetime of training to keep an iron control over his emotions prevented him from reacting in anything like a genuine way, and his polite questions to his aunt were treated as entirely redundant. Yes, he was engaged, yes, the late Hyuuga patriarch had arranged it some years ago with the intent to announce it when they had each turned eighteen, yes, the main family had decided to honor the arrangement the patriarch had made, despite his widow having significantly more antipathy toward and derision for the branch family than her late husband. 

Of course, his aunt didn’t say that last part aloud, nor that the widowed matriarch considered her eldest daughter to be completely disposable now that her younger sister had outperformed her in every way, despite her eldest having grown up into a very accomplished and dangerous shinobi. Capability with the bloodline limit was the greatest consideration for the matriarch, and the younger daughter had that in spades, rendering the eldest daughter superfluous. 

It was clear that his aunt had little patience for his questions on what was obviously a settled matter, so he simply nodded and let her proceed to the discussion of his jounin exam, making his excuses to depart as soon as he was able. Of course, he didn’t make it farther than the lengthy porch that wrapped around the branch house building, pausing for a good long while to stand by the railing and gaze over the sprawling courtyard that stood between them and the main house building. For once, the voice in the back of his head had nothing to say. 

He was engaged. 

To be married. 

To Hinata. 

Well. 

__________ 

Hinata had loved her genin teammates like they were her brothers for years, but she had never been so grateful to see them as when they arrived, right on time, to pick her up for breakfast. She’d declined her mother’s offer of food since she had plans to eat, but the woman had insisted that Hinata join her at the table nevertheless and waved a servant over to put a plate she’d said she didn’t want in front of her. The unwanted food was disconcerting; she’d been endeavoring to stand up for herself more at home, and it presented an easy opportunity to politely point out that her mother was ignoring her stated wishes, but she didn’t want to start an argument that would hold her up when Shino and Kiba arrived. 

It was as she was eyeing the clock and trying not to look like she was eyeing the clock, that her mother had taken a sip of tea and calmly said, “Now that you’ve turned eighteen, we must consider how your future will best serve the clan. To that end, I have decided to proceed with the engagement your father arranged before he passed.” 

Struck momentarily silent, for the first time in quite a while Hinata felt her childhood stutter rearing up as she tried to speak, regarding her mother with wide eyes. 

She was ignored for another sip of tea, the woman finally adding after agonizing seconds, as she set the cup down with a precise little clack, “You will be wed to Hyuuga Neji. The engagement will begin today, to be announced publicly after you’ve spent enough time together for propriety.” 

Her old stutter tripped over itself, locking up her throat, and try as she might, she could not get any words out. Beside her mother, Hanabi was doing her best to feign disinterest, having not paused in consuming her breakfast, but she could see her sister twitching with the effort of maintaining her neutral expression. So, Hanabi hadn’t known either. 

The clock forgotten, her teammates forgotten, Hinata sucked in air with no small amount of difficulty and forced herself to speak. Unfortunately, all she managed to get out was a thin, reedy, “Mother…?” 

At long last, the empty, silvery gaze of her mother found hers, looking bored and a little impatient, like she was annoyed she had to bother delivering the news at all instead of simply dumping Hinata at a prearranged alter and being done with the whole business. 

“That boy has been,” she seemed to choose her words very carefully, “graced with an extraordinary strength of our bloodline limit.” The delicate wrinkling around her nose betrayed her otherwise concealed disgust. “It will be advantageous to bring the offspring under the title of the main house.” 

Even Hanabi stopped pretending disinterest to stare at their mother at that. This was a typical motivation for an arranged marriage in a powerful clan, but clan leaders would rarely be so gauche as to say so out loud. Certainly her mother wouldn’t do so in the presence of anyone other than her daughters, but when it was only them, she struggled more to contain her distaste for the branch house. 

“Once we have determined the length of the engagement, we will set a date for the wedding,” her mother continued on while she and her sister stared. “I would like to see it in spring, however we will need to work around the mission schedule, as Neji’s service to the village reflects well upon the clan and should not be interrupted.” 

Her jaw clenched, and Hinata worked hard not to snap at her mother. His abilities far outstripped her own; Neji even outperformed Hanabi, but he was not the only Hyuuga involved in this engagement who went on missions. Apparently, her own work could be tossed aside, for all the benefit it did the clan, as long as Neji’s service was not impacted. She was saved from her own nasty flash of temper by a servant slipping silently into the room and bowing beside the table, announcing after a beat that her friends had arrived. It was with great relief and very little dignity that Hinata fled the breakfast table, leaving a pile of untouched food and a mountain of unresolved anger in her wake. 

Kiba had immediately squeezed her in a crushing hug, lifting her partially off her feet and easily bringing a smile to her face, in spite of everything. The Inuzuka was overly tactile, like the rest of his clan, and his boisterous, unreserved nature had been a breath of fresh air in her quiet, restricted life from the moment they’d been assigned to the same genin team. Once he’d set her down, he immediately noticed something was wrong, but she shook her head, nodding at Shino in a much more reserved greeting, indicating she did not want to speak in the house. 

Kiba had nodded and thrown an arm around her waist, tugging her against his side and ushering her off the porch, and Hinata hoped with a little vindictive twist that her mother would catch sight of them as they crossed the courtyard. Her mother had always hated her association with the loud, often dirty, entirely inappropriate Inuzuka, and his tendency to paw at both of his teammates had set her teeth on edge from the start. Even before she’d realized that he was in love with Shino, she’d known Kiba was harmless and indulged in the somewhat breathlessly risky fun of letting him hang off her whenever he wanted to. She and Shino had resigned themselves early to the face that being on a team with him meant a lot of touching; given that the Aburame were as reserved about physical contact as the Hyuuga, she had always imagined it gave Shino a little thrill to flout the conventions of his clan as well. Of course, these days the two of them touched a good deal more, though their behavior in public wasn’t notably different. 

There was a cozy brunch place with an extravagant pastry display and an enormous, glittery, multipart coffee making machine, located halfway between the Hyuuga compound and Shino’s apartment, and they had her through the door and comfortably seated before she realized it. Hinata tried to blink out of her haze, surprised to find a large, steaming latte in front of her and her two former teammates watching her with notable concern. 

“Hinata?” Shino’s habitually distant tone could have seemed rude, but she knew him too well to miss the slight lilt in his voice. 

“I…” She blinked again and took a sip of her coffee, trying to ground herself. Best coffee in all of Konoa, this place. “It seems that I’m engaged…” She watched Kiba’s eyes widen, and added almost as an afterthought, “to Neji.” 

_“What?!”_

The Inuzuka’s question came out as a borderline yell, and the waiter who had been heading toward their table to take their food order suddenly diverted away with a start and a heavily feigned interest in the deserted coffee bar. She felt a blush burning across her face while Shino murmured softly, “Kiba,” and watched in fascination as Kiba reigned himself in somewhat. He really had changed since he and Shino had begun their relationship. 

He took in a huge breath and hissed out, quieter if no less scandalized, “What?!” 

Hinata took another sip of her coffee. It seemed to be helping. It was no less delicious at least, so some part of her morning was going the way she’d expected. She wanted food though; she hoped the waiter would get over his embarrassment quickly. Slit pupils and dark sunglasses regarded her across the table, and she almost laughed as Shino calmly took a sip of his own coffee and his boyfriend shot him an incredulous look. 

“How can you both be so calm about this?!” Before she could try to answer, he’d reached across the table to cover her hand with his own. “Are you okay?” 

She gifted him with a genuine, though tentative smile. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “My mother just told me.” 

The Inuzuka was starting to draw himself up, anger giving him energy, eyes narrowing as he shot a glance in the direction of the Hyuuga compound. “They can’t just do this to you, Hinata. We can fight this, we’ll figure something out.” 

“Kiba…” She turned her hand over under his, loosely gripping him. His anger on her behalf was soothing; it always had been. She’d learned to stand up for herself as much from him as she had from Naruto. 

The thought of the energetic blonde gave her pause. There had been a time when she’d fancied herself on the edge of falling for Naruto. His irrepressible energy, his unwavering belief in himself, his easy smile, his boundless strength, it had been a mirror of everything she wanted for herself. It was startling to find how remote those old feelings were now. She hadn’t thought about him like that in some time. 

“Hinata.” She glanced at Shino. He was a well of calm next to the vibrating anger that was Kiba, but she could see plenty in the tightness of his posture, a readiness to back whatever play she wanted. “What do you want to do?” 

She considered this and found a very unsatisfactory answer. “I don’t know… I suppose I should talk to Neji first.” 

Kiba growled loudly, flashing fangs and she smiled again, though she knew she looked sad as she did so. He had never forgiven Neji for what had happened in the pre-trials of their chunin exams. If she was honest, she still wasn’t sure she was comfortable with him either. She knew the hell the main family had put Neji through, everything he’d lost, and she’d long ago forgiven him for his anger, for lashing out, and for blaming her, but that didn’t stop the occasional flinch in his presence. Years had passed, and they’d never been matched up to fight again, but the remembered pain he had dealt her, the insults and denigrations, and the final killing intent on his face as he’d launched himself at her, in his rage legitimately intending to take her life for refusing to submit… all of that was still there. She wasn’t afraid of him, but they didn’t share trust or intimacy, and the split between the family houses still stood between them, vast and ugly and hollow, despite small, stilted overtures from him now and then. 

She let out a deep sigh, squeezing Kiba’s hand as the waiter started to cautiously make his way over to their table. “I need to think about this.” 

__________ 

By the time he’d made his way to the main house building, Hinata had left with her teammates. With no way to know when she would return, he elected to use his time productively, and sought out Tenten to join him at the training grounds. Neji had made no plans when he returned from a lengthy mission the previous day, and he was relieved to find her easily, answering the door to her apartment with a yawn that spoke of sleeping late, agreeing somewhat grouchily to his proposal, scarfing down a muffin as she gathered her gear and waving him off when he asked if she would rather he come back a different day. 

They spent hours at the training grounds, running through a routine they’d settled on over the years: weapons, then taijutsu, then traps and obstacle courses. By the end, they were both gasping for breath, settled a few feet apart on the forest floor, each leaning on a tree. He watched the play of light over the sky, the day just beginning to fade, and waited for the inevitable. Tenten didn’t make him wait long. 

“So, what’s your problem?” 

Unbidden, a smile almost imperceptibly curved up one side of his mouth. He’d thought she was so rude when they’d met all those years ago; unacceptably rude for a female, who were intended to be demure and pleasing at all times, even when practicing as a shinobi. He’d unlearned that lesson very quickly in his genin team, with a lot of help from Tenten. The voice in the back of his head helpfully reminded him that his mother had been more than happy to assist in correcting him as well when he’d made the mistake of complaining about women to her soon after. 

“My problem?” Not minding it didn’t mean he wouldn’t play offense. 

She tossed a small rock at him, which bounced off his shoulder. “Yeah, your problem! Something is bothering you, and you’re not even doing a good job of hiding it.” 

That was a painful thing to have pointed out. With effort, he smoothed the worry from his face, returning to his more neutral, if somewhat aggressive base expression. Tenten had once told him that he looked at all times like he hated the world, which at the time he had nearly preened at. He had hated the world, and he hadn’t minded wearing it like a cloak, bristling it at everyone around him. Now it seemed the expression had etched over his features, not as prominent as it had once been, but difficult to erase. 

“The clan has made a decision regarding my future.” 

“Oh.” There was a rare note of compassion in her voice. Tenten knew better than anyone that having his life dictated to him by his superiors in the clan was a remaining sore point, no matter how much he’d calmed since his confrontation with Naruto and learning the truth about his father’s death. 

“What did they say?” 

He hesitated, reticent to voice it out loud and make it real. “They have arranged a marriage for me.” 

She was aware of the likelihood of such things in the more traditional clans, so at least she took that in stride, skipping right to the more pertinent question, “To who?” 

He resolutely did not look her way, dreading telling her, no matter how desperate his need was to talk about the situation. “Hinata.” 

She let out an audible gasp, and he wanted to crinkle his nose at the dramatics, but he found that it seemed appropriate. “That’s…” 

When she didn’t seem to be able to finish her sentence, he supplied, “Unexpected.” 

“Uh… yeah. God, Neji that’s… a lot.” 

He risked a glance in her direction, found his best friend looking at him with a galling combination of sadness and pity and he grimaced. He’d been so deep in his hatred for the main house and for what had happened to his father that he hadn’t felt a moment of guilt after his shameful behavior toward Hinata during their childhoods, and his appalling actions in their chunin exam trials. It wasn’t until Naruto had beaten him half to death, he’d aired every bit of their clan’s dirty laundry in front of a stadium of esteemed visitors and the patriarch had told him the truth and he was done feeling sorry for himself enough that he had spared her any thought. Thought which had been entirely insufficient for what he’d done, as he’d realized the first time he’d seen her after the chunin trials, the sight of her cuts and bruises and her flinch away from him in fear filling him with a shame he hadn’t known any way to deal with. 

Remembering how focused he’d been on himself, that he hadn’t taken note of her being cast aside for her sister for the same talent in their bloodline limit that he’d held over her head; he hadn’t bothered to notice she had suffered under the family in her own way, and he had lashed out with more than his fists, attacking her sense of self, denigrating her for even trying, mocking her efforts and then reacting like a monster when she had refused to cede. 

Years had passed, and the memory of trying to kill her, a decision he didn’t even remember making, still made his insides twist and bile rise in his throat as if it was a mistake he’d made yesterday. He’d taken out his anger at the family on the one person who would have probably understood how he’d felt, if he’d bothered to try to reach out, if he hadn’t taken those few memories of the fluttering sensation in his chest when they’d first met, feeling shyly vulnerable and telling his dad how cute he thought she was, and bundled them into his rage and feelings of inadequacy, making it just another part of the wholesale rejection visited upon him by the main house. 

Tenten watched him clench his hands into fists, digging his fingers into the dirt, giving him a minute. She had been privy to his regrets about Hinata, when he’d finally realized how much it was tearing him up inside not to talk about it. She’d encouraged him to make amends, to ease the pain he’d caused himself. But the thought of apologizing to try to make himself feel better had only made him feel more guilty. So much time had passed, how could he justify dredging up traumatic memories for Hinata just to ease his own conscience? Then more time passed, and it was easier to just not talk about it. To try to show his regard for her in different ways, clumsy efforts to improve their relationship by walking her home or offering to pass time with her in the courtyard. But every time that she flinched at his presence, few though those instances were, he felt the stab of his own guilt and shame again, and it prompted him to shy away from her in turn. 

“I made a mess of things, then.” 

“You did,” she agreed. 

“I didn’t know how to fix it.” When he glanced at Tenten, he saw pity on her face again. “I don’t want to hurt her again.” 

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “That’s what you’re worried about?” When he just stared back at her, she made a noise of frustration. “Neji, do you want to marry her?” 

“I…” Hideously, he found that he hadn’t really considered himself in this, as if the pronouncement of the main house had completely wiped away his own agency. His aunt had said Hinata’s name, and his mind had just gone blank. He looked away. “I don’t know.” 

“Well.” She clearly didn’t know what to do with that. “I mean, talking with Hinata sounds like a good first step. And you should probably both clear the air from what, uh… what happened in the chunin trials.” 

Her unwillingness to say what he’d done aloud made him want to flinch; he knew it was out of consideration for him. She pushed herself to her feet and offered him a hand, pulling him up and then giving him a gentle shove in the direction of the Hyuuga compound. 

“Look, I’ll take care of the training area.” His gaze went over her shoulder at the chaotic mess of weapons and smoking remains of traps they’d left behind, opening his mouth to argue, but she cut him off. “It’s late, go home, get cleaned up, take her to dinner. That’s what people do when they want to talk.” 

“Is it?” he asked drily, but she was already turning away and waving over her shoulder. 

“Talk to her, Neji. Figure out what you want to do. Come talk to me then and we’ll figure out how to do whatever it is you want.” 

__________ 

Neji was clean and dressed in the nondescript, all black he wore when he wasn’t in uniform. He’d put it on without thinking about it, then spent a not insignificant amount of time in front of the mirror deciding on whether to wear his forehead protector, or the more simple headband. Walking around with the mark uncovered was simply not done, and he’d made his peace with that a long time ago. But the forehead protector was an unobtrusive way of concealing the mark, while the headband seemed to draw attention to it even as it covered it up. There were enough unspoken difficulties between them without adding that. In the end, he tied on his forehead protector. 

He was absurdly relieved to set eyes upon Hinata as soon as he left the branch house building, saving him the intense awkwardness of asking at the main house to see his… what? Future wife? The thought made him cringe. Instead, she was in the enormous courtyard, heading toward the branch house, and pausing when she saw him emerge. In an instant, he was braced for the infrequent, but familiar flinch, but instead a dark blush spread across her face and he found himself also coming to a halt, frozen just a few steps outside the door. 

She was as pale as she’d ever been, both of them looking as though they’d never spent a moment in the sun, and the blush stood out remarkably against her cheeks and beneath her silver eyes. She’d grown her hair out years back, but had recently cut it short to resemble to bob she’d worn when they were younger. The pristine, glossy black caught the last vestiges of the setting sun, glinting down over the little pointed tails that fell over her ears. She was similarly dressed in all black, a soft looking kimono cut that bunched around the tie at her waist, and he found the voice in the back of his head remarking wryly that they both looked they had dressed for a funeral. 

After a moment, she started toward him again, giving him a nervous smile and murmuring, “I was just looking for you.” 

Another surge of relief went through him, and he nodded. “Join me for dinner?” 

The blush that had been nearly gone returned, and he silently cursed Tenten and her ‘that’s what people do when they want to talk’ advice. It was just occurring to him now that that was also what people did when they went on dates. But Hinata nodded, and then glanced at the two houses on either side of them with a somewhat scrunched up expression that the voice in the back of his head noted was pretty adorable. He squashed the thought to acknowledge that he was as uncomfortable trying to talk about their situation anywhere in the Hyuuga compound as she apparently was and nodded toward the exit of the courtyard. 

“Matsuko’s?” 

This time she looked relieved, and her smile was more genuine when she agreed. Walking through the village with Hinata was at least familiar ground for him, one of the safe, or potentially cowardly, ways he’d been able to make himself reach out to try to improve their relationship. They often walked in silence, but it had never been so tense or full of unsaid things before. He didn’t know how to start the conversation, and he didn’t want to be interrupted when they got to the restaurant, so he let the silence linger as they were seated and ordered their food, only admitting to himself that someone had to say something when the waitress had taken their menus and left them alone. 

“Hinata-,” 

“Neji-,” 

They spoke over each other, and she looked mortified to have interrupted him. Neji bit back hurt as her eyes dropped down to the table. There was a time that he would have expected exactly that, but he’d seen her with her former genin team, with Ino and Sakura, with those she considered friends, and the stuttering, tentative Hinata of their youth had long ago been replaced with a quiet, confident woman who smiled easily and didn’t let herself be cowed by those around her. Except when she was with him, apparently. 

He took in a breath, trying to moderate his reaction. This was no less than a self-inflicted wound, and his feelings about it were his to deal with, not Hinata’s. He let his hand pass over the table in a deferential gesture to continue, murmuring, “Please.” 

She blushed a bit again, but looked up to meet his gaze. “I…” Unexpectedly, a small and very real smile of amusement curled over her face, and he felt the breath leave him. “I don’t really know what to say.” 

He wanted to laugh; he was so grateful to have something cut through the tension around them. “Neither do I.” 

She did laugh, and the sound pierced through him. He didn’t think he’d ever made her laugh before. “Well, at least we have that in common.” 

The comment sobered him, and he frowned; he was the one who had squandered the opportunity to bond over the many things it had turned out they had in common. When he saw her lose her smile in reaction to his frown, he shook his head. “How were you told?” 

A hint of a smirk twitched over her lips. “Oh, my mother slipped it in as I was trying to head out the door, with no warning whatsoever.” She looked at him with something like camaraderie. “How were you told?” 

“Similarly. My aunt mentioned it right before trying to brief me on the jounin exams.” 

Hinata let out another quiet laugh, this one more incredulous, nodding to the waitress as she set the sake between them. He poured them each some and waited for her lift her glass before taking his. She hesitated for a moment, then raised it to the middle of the table, looking at him almost like they were friends, and he clinked their glasses together on instinct. 

She saw him notice her tap the glass on the table before she drank and made a face that was halfway between embarrassed and defiant as she put it down again. “It’s an Inuzuka tradition. Kiba badgered me about it so much that I sort of stopped noticing I do it.” 

“Ah.” Her genin team was important to her, and would remain so, likely for the rest of her life. He could hardly begrudge her that; the bonds forged in those teams tended to be near impossible to dissolve. His own closest friendship was a member of his genin team. And if he’d noticed the Inuzuka’s overly tactile nature around Hinata, it wasn’t something he’d had any business to comment on. Of course, the Inuzuka was like that with both of his teammates, but it hardly meant the same thing when he acted that way with another boy. Not for the first time, he wondered if there was something between Hinata and the Inuzuka. Would she be breaking off a relationship, if this engagement went through? Everything about the thought was upsetting, and he wasn’t sure he could parse what exactly bothered him the most. 

Instead of saying any of that, he offered, “A surprisingly muted tradition for the Inuzuka.” 

She was watching him carefully, but her tone was light. “Well, there is quite a bit of shouting that accompanies it when Kiba does it. I suppose this was the best he could get out of me.” 

He thought of the boisterous Inuzuka, how horrified the Hyuuga elders would be if the heir apparent had picked up any of his more outgoing traits, and wondered if the Aburame clan leader had worried about the boy’s behavior rubbing off on Shino. The thought almost made him smile; Shino was obviously close with Kiba, but they seemed to have managed a friendship without unduly affecting his Aburame reserve. 

“Probably for the best.” Inwardly he grimaced and hoped that hadn’t sounded as insulting to her as it had when he’d heard it out loud. 

She surprised him by leaning in, pouring them each another measure of sake and saying, “We are all shaped by our genin team. I imagine the clan elders were more than a little nervous you might pick up some new habits from yours.” 

The teasing tone in her voice made it clear that she was mostly talking about one member of his team, and he nodded, leaning forward himself to retrieve his sake. “I imagine that’s true. Though it was not for lack of trying; Lee regularly gifted each of us with spandex body suits and badgered us to wear them while insisting they would make us better shinobi.” 

Hinata let out an amused snort, clearly trying to be tactful and failing. “Did you ever consider wearing one just to see what the clan elders would do?” 

The thought was scandalous and, shockingly, one he had in fact entertained, if only briefly. “Once.” 

She laughed, and this time he couldn’t stop one corner of his mouth raising in a small smile. He’d never imagine he could make her laugh before. Neji had been careful for a long time not to notice how lovely she was, how lovely she’d always been, no matter what the voice in the back of his head wanted to say about it, but it was impossible not to notice while she was laughing. It was enchanting and distressing in equal measure. 

“Oh, I wish you had, I would have loved to see them all grinding their teeth about it!” 

“As would I,” he allowed, “however I don’t believe Lee would have ever let me get out of it once I was in it.” 

She was still giggling, no doubt at the image of him in one of those godawful full body leotards, when the food arrived. 

__________ 

It wasn’t as difficult to talk to Neji as she’d feared. It wasn’t as though they’d ever really held conversations before that day, though he had seemed to be trying to spend time with her in his own very reserved way. Hinata had figured with the added embarrassment of the engagement, dinner would be mostly long, intolerable silences, but she was immensely relieved that she’d been wrong. Given their situation, it wasn’t the most productive conversation, as they spent dinner reminiscing about their genin teams and not talking about the elephant in the room, but she supposed in one way it was helpful. It seemed she and Neji could comfortably share a meal, which was a distinct improvement to their relationship, no matter what. 

As the waiter collected the bill, it seemed to occur to Neji for the first time that they hadn’t actually discussed the engagement, and he kind of froze in his seat, looking almost fearful, as if he’d wasted his only chance. It was strange, seeing him like that, and she found herself wanting to supply a solution, if only to smooth it over. 

“Why don’t we take a walk in the park?” There were some benches at the overlook that were often empty and would give them some privacy. 

He nodded, standing, but waiting for her leave before following, and he let her lead them toward the park. She glanced at him as they walked, trying not to look like she was studying him. It was well after sunset now, and the streetlamps seemed to reflect off his pale skin and silver eyes, making it almost startling when they entered the park and were both washed in shadow. He’d kept his hair long, tied near the end just above the small of his back, and if she’d let herself think of Neji much, which she didn’t, she’d have wondered what he would look like with it down, letting it fall freely over his shoulders. He’d grown into his fine features well, and was honestly quite beautiful, though she didn’t know if a man would appreciate having that word applied to him, no matter how appropriate it seemed as a descriptor. Hinata blinked and looked away, remembering why she didn’t let herself think of Neji very much. 

They were quickly at the overlook, and she was thankful to find the benches unoccupied. She sank down on one and gestured beside her. “Join me?” 

He did so warily, as if he was afraid of doing the wrong thing, and seemed full of the need to say something, but he didn’t, so after a bit she started, “We should probably talk about what happened this morning.” 

He flinched minutely, as though the thought hurt him, and she frowned a little miserably. As hard as she worked, and as many difficult missions as she completed, in her clan she was still treated as a burden rather than an asset. It hurt to think that Neji might think of her that way too, burdened by the idea of being tied to her, when she had hoped they’d come to some kind of mutual respect after their tumultuous childhoods. 

Hinata tried to continue on, regardless, “I don’t want to…” 

She paused, trying to gather her thoughts, and he said quietly, “I understand.” 

Her brows drew together in confusion. “You understand?” 

“It wasn’t fair of your father, to do this to you. I understand that you don’t want it.” 

_That you don’t want me_ was clear under the words, and she was briefly unable to speak in surprise. “Neji, I didn’t mean it like that.” The words sounded more certain than she felt, and he regarded her silently, expression unreadable, tension in his posture. She sighed. “I don’t want… either of us to… to do something we don’t want to do,” she murmured lamely, the words coming out of her like molasses. 

She just didn’t know what to say about the situation. Neji was such a maelstrom of strange emotions for her, emotions she’d never really examined because prominently featured among them was pain, and with all of that just sitting there between them there was no way she could even try to figure out how to deal with an engagement with the tact and empathy that anyone deserved. Suddenly she felt incredibly guilty, that her refusal to deal with whatever was between them from their youth was making her so difficult now when they were both facing an emotionally fraught situation. 

“I’m sorry.” Her apology seemed to shock him, and his mouth fell open a little. She noted absently that he had a very attractive mouth, with full, shapely lips that belied the sharpness of his cheekbones and straight, narrow nose, and immediately felt worse about herself. “I’m sorry. I should have…” 

Her throat closed up, all her emotions tumbling together, and she nearly wanted to scream at her inability to express herself. 

“Hinata.” Neji’s expression was… soft almost. She’d never seen him look like that. One of his hands twitched, and for a strange moment, she thought he was going to reach for her, but he didn’t. “You don’t have anything to apologize to me for.” 

“I…” She didn’t know what she was trying to say. She should have talked to him. She shouldn’t have let her wounded feelings keep her from reaching out and trying to mend the rift between them. She shouldn’t have left it all on him to make the first move. She stared down at her hands folded in her lap, frustrated and embarrassed. “I…” 

“Still don’t know what to say?” 

Hinata glanced up in surprise; his tone was light, his expression relaxed, like he was trying to give her an out from the conversational corner she’d backed herself into. It was… nice of him. Neji was being nice. 

She nodded, trying to gather herself. “I suppose I don’t. Perhaps we need a little time to think this over?” 

“Of course. We can speak tomorrow?” 

Grateful, she nodded again, rising from the bench. 

__________ 

Neji escorted Hinata back to the main house and found his way to his own chambers in the branch house without running into anyone, for which he was exceedingly thankful. He’d followed Hinata into the park thinking they were going to work out exactly how they would deal with the engagement, certain that she would want to break it and would want his assistance in dealing with the clan elders, but he found himself relieved they’d just put it off. There was so much he didn’t want to deal with in what lay between them, and Hinata apologizing to him, of all things, had hit him like a ton of bricks. He hadn’t realized he’d been so callous toward her that she would think she had something to be sorry for. And in his shock, he’d allowed a perfect opportunity to apologize for his own past actions sail by without any attempt to take advantage of it. 

He only bothered to get his shirt and forehead protector off before he was flat on his back on his bed, resisting the childish urge to bang his head back against the pillow repeatedly. He was frustrated and annoyed, but mostly at himself. They’d had a lovely dinner; it had been much easier for them to pass an evening together than he’d expected. For a little while, it had been like they were friends. It had almost been like a date. He’d enjoyed himself so much he’d forgotten what they were there to talk about, in fact. 

And then she’d apologized and fumbled her words and he’d remembered everything he’d done and how he’d made her feel, and he’d wondered how he’d let himself get so carried away as to think they were anything even so intimate as friends. Again, he resisted the urge to bang his head back against the pillow while the voice in the back of his head reminded him nastily that he hadn’t seen her so tongue tied, so seemingly diminished, for years, not with anyone else, just with him. 

Even though they’d spoken so easily. Even though he’d made her laugh. She was beautiful all the time, but when she laughed it made his chest ache. Even the memory was almost enough to make him smile. Instead he frowned, noticing that the memory was also enough to make his body start to warm, an entirely physical interest joining the emotional ache. 

He closed his eyes, willing the memory away. He didn’t let himself think about how Hinata looked. He’d certainly never let himself indulge in self-gratification while thinking about her. But the memory wouldn’t go, so much more difficult to banish now that they’d spent time together, now that they’d spoken and he’d been the sole focus of her attention for so long. He remembered the curve of her lips, dark eyelashes framing silver eyes and the subtle scent of the jasmine soap she used, just barely perceptible across the small table. 

Neji’s eyes snapped open as he realized that he was hard, cursing himself wildly if silently and bringing a hand up to press against his forehead in exasperation. His cock pulsed and he let out an audible hiss of irritation. His other hand rested on his stomach and slid down, fingertips playing with the hem of his pants. It had been a raw, difficult day. The memory of Hinata apologizing still felt like a gut punch. The memories of her smiling at him, leaning toward him almost like they were friends, drinking with him, those were all significantly more pleasant. He traced along the sensitive skin below his bellybutton, just under his pants. They were much more pleasant. 

Neji hated his overly logical brain sometimes, that he knew with perfect clarity that he would be guilty after, just as he knew in a moment that he didn’t want to push this away, indulging despite the inevitable self-flagellation that would come after. He was capable of wondering what the fuck he was thinking and analyzing all the ways this would make him feel worse even as he slowly, deliberately opened his pants and drew himself out, his touch on himself light and teasing as he remembered how Hinata had looked in the low light of the restaurant, how a smirk had teased at her expression, hinting at the confidence she typically bore now, despite clearly having been thrown off by their situation. 

His cock ached, and he reached toward the bedside table. It had been some time since he’d dated anyone, but the last time he’d purchased lubricant for them to use together and had been so impressed with it that it had permanently replaced the lotion he’d previously used for jerking off. Moments later he slickly palmed himself and bit his lip, eyes closed, imagining leaning into her, feeling her smaller body press against him, her silky hair in his fingers, cupping the back of her head, their lips brushing together, how her voice might sound, intimate and breathless. 

_I’m sorry._

Her devastated expression as she apologized to him flashed through his mind, and shame burned through him and Neji stopped, eyes scrunched tightly, a groan caught in his throat, the voice in the back of his head giving him an inauspicious previous of what it would have to say about his behavior when he was done. 

Fuck. 

He couldn’t do this. He had no right to do this, to think of her this way, when she probably still didn’t even feel safe alone with him, when her mother was happy to trap her in an engagement she probably hated. His cock throbbed in his hand and he groaned again, then grit his teeth and forced himself to think of someone else, the last woman he’d dated, and got himself off as quickly as he could, trying not to wallow in self-disgust when he’d finished. 

__________ 

Life went on around them as if nothing of any particular import had happened. Hinata had been selected to serve on the team of examiners for the chunin exams, and between her work there and Neji’s jounin exam preparations, their days were plenty full. They had spent several evenings together and somehow a week passed without them finishing their conversation on how they wanted to handle the engagement. She felt alternately relieved and guilty about that; it wasn’t fair to put it off like this when he probably wanted to get the long and painful process of calling it off started, but she’d found she was enjoying his company. 

Of course, the idea that he was simply humoring her while he figured out how to turn her down haunted her every time they’d parted. The more time they spent together, the less sure she was about how to handle the engagement, and it made her feel pathetic that after all these years, her heart still speed up when she saw Neji, and she wasn’t sure it was remembered fear anymore. 

Her mother wasn’t helping anything. While Hinata wondered what someone as gorgeous and talented as Neji could possibly see in her and tried not to dwell on the thought that he deserved someone more like Hanabi who could match his skill and prowess with their bloodline limit, her mother never missed an opportunity to make it clear that he was deeply unworthy of being joined with the main house by way of an engagement, and it was only Hinata’s unsuitability as a Hyuuga heir that made sacrificing her to this match tolerable. The whole affair as described by her mother was quite ugly, and she marveled that she could feel both unworthy and defensive of the engagement at the same time. 

Deeply immersed in her tangled emotions, she almost walked right past Shino as she and Kiba left the academy after yet another day of briefings on chunin exam regulations, startling when Kiba tugged on her sleeve. 

He laughed over her apology, insisting that she obviously needed to talk, and she gratefully invited them both back to the Hyuuga compound. Her mother hated when she had Kiba over, but as she’d moved into a wing of the main house at the far end of the compound some time back, there had been many fewer run ins between them. She made tea as they both settled on the loveseat in her private sitting room, smiling to herself as she noticed Shino stroking his fingers over the back of Kiba’s neck in a gesture of affection he would only engage in with the assurance of total privacy. Seeing them together always gave her a happy warmth in her chest; she loved them both and they deserved to be happy with each other, even if they had to conceal their relationship in public for the moment. She brought over the tea, taking a plush chair beside the coffee table and finding herself the subject of a worried gaze. Kiba had laid a casual hand on his boyfriend’s thigh, leaning against his side, but his focus was completely on her. 

“How are you?” 

She almost laughed; he asked the question in the somber and tentative tone you might use to check in on someone who had recently received a fatal diagnosis. 

“I’m fine, Kiba.” 

His face said he didn’t believe her. “Have you spoken to your mother about the engagement yet?” 

“No.” She took a tiny sip of scalding tea. She wasn’t sure how to voice her thoughts, but as usual, Kiba didn’t let the silence linger. 

“Why not?! Is Neji trying to force you to go along with it?” 

Startled, she glanced up, finding him practically vibrating with anger on the edge of the loveseat. “Of course not! We just haven’t… we haven’t decided how we’re going to handle it.” 

“What’s complicated about it? You don’t need his agreement, he can’t tell you what to do, Hinata!” 

She felt her mouth settling into a thin line, eyes narrowing. “I’m aware of that, thank you.” She wasn’t a helpless little girl in need of protection. 

He opened his mouth, no doubt to say whatever his immediate reaction was, and paused as Shino laid a hand over the one on his thigh. They shared a loaded look, the Inuzuka full of barely suppressed frustration, and then Shino was asking softly, “Is there anything we can do to help?” 

The question was both soothing and irritating all at once; in order to tell them how they could help, she needed to know how she wanted to proceed. Trying to sort her feelings, she told them about the time she’d spent with Neji, noting how unimpressed Kiba was by such minute milestones as spending a pleasant evening talking in a restaurant. 

He was obviously struggling to keep himself in check, and she wasn’t surprised that when Shino excused himself to go the restroom, he abruptly snapped out as soon as they were alone, “This is bullshit, Hinata, and you know it. Why are you playing along with your mother and that asshole?” 

Despite herself, she felt a twitch of a smile, knowing that ‘that asshole’ referred to Neji, the seemingly permanent title her teammate had given him years ago. “I know it’s not a shock to you that I’m reticent to act rashly.” 

Kiba crinkled his nose at that; rash was pretty much his whole life philosophy. “It isn’t right, any of it. How can they…?” A note of desperation had worked its way into his voice, and she couldn’t miss the way his gaze darted toward the door after Shino. 

“Kiba…” She saw him stiffen as he heard her compassionate tone. “I haven’t agreed to anything, but even if I was to agree, it wouldn’t mean that Shino-,” 

“I know that!” he snarled, baring fangs at her, hunching in on himself defensively, and her heart ached for him. 

It was certain that Shino’s father had arranged something similar for his son and simply had not announced it yet. Eighteen was young for such things; Hinata was sure her mother had only moved so quickly because she wanted the distasteful business of allowing Neji an official place among the main house over and done with. Shino likely had another year or two before his father would make his wishes on this known, but arranged marriages were planned out many years in advance, making it deeply unlikely that he hadn’t been promised to someone in the clan records. Much as her father had promised her and Neji to each other, without consulting either of them or even bothering to notify them. She was living through Kiba’s nightmare, and she suddenly realized how threatening it must seem to him that she could seem to be considering accepting it. She reached for her friend and he flinched, looking a little trapped, realizing that she’d pinned down a very real fear of his. 

“Kiba, you know he wouldn’t-,” 

“ _Don’t._ ” The word was a warning, but it came out like a plea, his slit pupil eyes wide and unhappy. 

__________ 

He may not have been the devoted protégé that Lee remained, but Neji still highly valued the training and guidance of his genin team leader, and had been pleased to accept Gai’s offer of tailored training for the performance phase of the jounin exam. They’d been meeting several times a week when they were both home from missions, and that morning Gai had brought his rival and best friend with him. Neji hadn’t exactly been happy to see the Copy Nin, but Kakashi was an extremely talented shinobi and one of the village’s greatest assets, no matter how lazy and inappropriate the man was, so he endeavored to onboard Kakashi’s instructions with the same seriousness he had for Gai’s. 

There was something odd about being trained for jounin qualifications in peacetime by men who had qualified as jounin during wartime, both many years younger than he was now when they’d been promoted. He would never say it to them, and he had no reason to cast aspersions on their current skills, but it was clear the testing standards had been adjusted from a time in which promotions were critical to warfighting success. 

They spent a long and exhausting day in the forests around the village, providing a welcome distraction from the week’s events for him. He managed to pass his time returning to the Hyuuga compound cataloguing his various aches and pains and going over the imparted lessons, only being forced to confront his home situation as soon as he crossed the entrance to the courtyard and caught sight of Hinata heading into the main house building with her former genin teammates. 

The Inuzuka had his arm around her waist again, holding her snugly to his side, and Neji felt his eyes narrowing at their backs as they disappeared into the house, a distinctly uncomfortable feeling rising in his chest and demanding to be acknowledged. He strove to ignore it, stiffly heading toward the branch house building to get cleaned up. He showered quickly, refusing to give in to the urge to lean his head against the wall to properly wallow in his emotions, and only pulled a little harder than necessary as he finger-combed his hair and gathered it behind him, glaring at himself in the mirror. 

He had no one to blame but himself for the way he was feeling, and he didn’t need the voice in the back of his head reminding him of that. 

He and Hinata had gone out several more nights, always ostensibly to discuss how they were going to handle or, he suspected, accomplish dissolving, the engagement. And yet somehow, each time they were together, they wound up just talking, getting to know one another, filling the serious gap in personal knowledge that existed between them. He’d spent years trying to figure out how to bridge that gap and, to his great self-directed disgust, had been enjoying spending time with her so much he’d shirked the duty they had to figure out their shared problem. 

Why Hinata was indulging him by spending so much time together was a mystery but could be potentially attributed to her generally sweet nature. Unlike Neji, who had responded to the horrifying ways they had been raised and used by the clan by letting himself get twisted into resentment and aggression, Hinata had managed to bear even the unrelenting disdain and disregard of her parents without being dragged down by it. 

It wasn’t fair to keep taking up her time when they weren’t going to go through with the engagement. He frowned to himself. Especially if she was involved with the Inuzuka. The clan didn’t mind if those with arranged marriages dated around before their engagements were announced, and he was aware that Hinata had done so, as he had, but she hadn’t seemed nearly as intimate with any of the few boys she’d gone out with as the connection that existed between her and the Inuzuka. Neji sighed, trying to put it out his mind. If dissolving their engagement was the step between her having to hide a relationship with a member of a clan the Hyuuga elders looked down upon and being able to date Kiba openly, then it was simply another thing he was standing in the way of. 

Neji glanced in the direction of the main house. He hadn’t been home long; surely she was not done spending time with her friends. But he could go there now to ascertain if she would be available tonight, and then prepare himself to do what needed to be done. A week was long enough for propriety; they could establish tonight how they would inform the clan leaders they were breaking the engagement, and the elders could not say they hadn’t made an effort to spend time together as an excuse for forcing them to continue. 

Resolved to settle a time for them to meet that night, he left the branch house and let himself into the main house. Neji had to ask a servant where Hinata’s rooms were, and found it a little odd that he was merely pointed in the right direction rather than escorted. Perhaps the servants had been instructed that there was no need to show deference to members of the branch house. Or perhaps, he considered as he walked a lengthy hallway toward a far end of the compound, Hinata had requested the servants not barge into her living space. As he drew away from the main part of the building, he found himself in quiet, deserted hallways, with no servants or clan members, a reprieve from the bustle of the rest of the compound. 

The servant had mentioned she and her guests would likely be in her sitting room, and as he turned a corner, padding silently on plush carpet, he found a large door set slightly ajar, with a glimpse of a couch and a bookcase visible through the narrow opening and figured he’d located the right place. He paused a few feet from the door, gathering himself. It was better to ensure they met up tonight, so they could do what needed to be done and he didn’t spend any more time pretending they had a good reason to be around one another. As he took in a slow, careful breath, the voice in the back of his head prodded at him that there was a strange lack of noise coming from the sitting room. 

He would have expected to hear the murmur of conversation, with three of them sharing the space, but he didn’t hear anyone speaking. A moment later he realized he did hear something, a rustling and a barely perceptible wet sound and a soft moan and his heart almost stopped as his brain informed him that it could only be the sounds of two people kissing very intently. 

Rooted to the spot, Neji just stared at the wall, feeling foolish. This wasn’t a visit from her former genin team then, it was a chance for Hinata and the Inuzuka to be together, with the Aburame providing a socially acceptable cover for her to invite Kiba into her personal rooms. The Aburame was probably a few rooms away, giving them privacy. 

The thought of interrupting them was impossibly mortifying, but something kept him where he was, and an idea sunk its claws into his brain and suddenly Neji was wrestling with his conscience. Using the byakugan to spy on others outside of a mission context was significantly more than frowned upon, and something he would never have imagined considering before, but… he could look. 

He could use the byakugan to look; the amount of chakra it took to see through one thin wall wouldn’t be enough to make his presence noticeable to the occupants of the sitting room. 

He could look and it was hideously inappropriate to consider, but he knew that if he did, he wouldn’t be able to unsee what he saw, and he could put a firm and painful end to the wondering of what the true nature of Hinata’s relationship with the Inuzuka was. He could use that pain to give himself the strength to put an end to this charade that they were going to go along with the engagement. A bitter and dangerous jealousy was savagely attempting to take hold in him, and he couldn’t silence it, but he could give it no hope and make it easier to ignore if he just… looked. 

Shame welled up inside him as his methodical mind blithely informed him that he’d already made a decision, and Neji gathered just a tiny portion of chakra, enough to funnel into the byakugan, activating his bloodline limit and rendering the wall that separated him from the sitting room completely transparent. 

It had taken him seconds to decide, and he hadn’t planned on looking for more than a moment, just long enough to show the voice in the back of his head that he was right and it needed to go back to keeping its thoughts on Hinata to itself, but as soon as the wall disappeared to his eyes, Neji froze in place. 

His ears had not deceived him, there were two people kissing very intently in the sitting room, exactly as he’d thought. 

There were two boys kissing very intently in the sitting room. 

So not _exactly_ as he’d thought. 

Kiba and Shino were in the sitting room and Hinata wasn’t in there with them, and they were pressed together on a small loveseat. The Aburame had wound his hand around the back of the Inuzuka’s neck, his grip tight and possessive, dragging the other boy to him. Kiba’s hands were pushed up under the hem of the Aburame’s jacket, revealing a strip of abdominal muscles covered by mesh as he palmed over Shino down toward his hip, and their mouths were locked together, the two of them moving languidly in sync. The angle hid most of Kiba’s face from him, but he could catch glimpses of their tongues sliding together, and make out the throaty moan the Inuzuka emitted, and holy shit, he really needed to stop watching this because it was none of his business and definitely a secret that he was not meant to know and still, and yet, the shock kept him where he was. 

At least until he registered the sound of a door opening and jumped guiltily, turning to find Hinata stepping out of a bathroom and looking very surprised to see him. 

She took in the sight of him, his expression struggling toward some kind of neutrality, and then glanced at the wall, and in an instant he knew she knew what’d seen. 

As if by mutual consent, neither of them moved for long seconds, regarding each other, and then he jumped again as she suddenly grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him away, her stunned expression twisting into something fearul. He was so unprepared for her touch that he couldn’t even muster the thought process to do anything other than let her lead on as she drew him down the hall and through a doorway, only realizing as it closed behind them that they were in her bedroom. 

Neji didn’t have time to take in the surroundings before she whispered, strained, “You weren’t supposed to see that.” 

He blinked at her, her touch very warm on his skin because she hadn’t let go of his wrist for some reason. Words weren’t coming, the inconvertible evidence of what he’d seen warring with his prior certainty that she and the Inuzuka had been involved romantically. 

“Neji. Please, you can’t say anything.” She was pleading, looking up at him with genuine alarm. “Please, it has to stay a secret.” 

His conception of his own composure was taking a real hit as he struggled to string together a sentence. Having a large chunk of his brain power revolve around the warm hand still holding his wrist wasn’t helping. Neither was the creeping anxiety that she was going to assume he had some problem with homosexual relationships because of his reaction, since he would have rather died than admitted that his lingering shock and distress was self-directed because of what he’d thought was going to see in the sitting room, not because of what he had seen. 

“How long have they been together?” Neji thought his even tone and ability to pull together full sentences was rather heroic, but Hinata didn’t seem to agree, looking crestfallen and staring down at the carpet. 

“A little over a year.” She said it like she was ashamed she had been party to keeping it a secret, and maybe she was. It didn’t seem like lying and sneaking around would be things she was comfortable with. 

That was a long time to have kept something like this under wraps. He wondered how they were planning to deal with the Aburame’s father. Shino was the clan heir, and everything about Kiba from his clan heritage to his gender would make him impossible for the Aburame patriarch to accept. There was a greater chance that Hinata’s mother would let her keep her status as the Hyuuga heir and consent to naming Neji as the clan patriarch through their marriage. Which was to say, none at all. The troubling parallel of that thought with what he’d assumed had been going on between Kiba and Hinata tugged at him and he frowned, contemplating their own less than ideal situation. 

Hinata didn’t seem to find his reaction encouraging and she reached up, suddenly cradling his hand in both of hers, holding it in front of her chest and fixing a desperate gaze on him. 

“Please, Neji. It’s not their fault what they have won’t be accepted by Shino’s clan. They don’t deserve to… to have people…” 

He studied her expression; he’d been right about how much she loved her teammates if nothing else. “To have people denigrate them?” 

She hissed out something more angry. “No, they don’t. But it’s not just that.” She shot an anxious glance over his shoulder, in the direction of the sitting room. “They don’t know how the Aburame clan leader will react, it could be… please, it needs to be a secret. It could be dangerous for Kiba if it gets out the wrong way.” 

Neji was discovering he hadn’t known much about Hinata’s genin team, even with all the determined not noticing he’d been doing about how she interacted with them. The Inuzuka had always seemed primarily like a flighty hedonist. Certainly not a poor shinobi, but likely a poor partner, touching everyone as he did, and with such a reputation for dating around, though that seemed to have waned over the last year, which made more sense now. He wouldn’t have guessed Kiba would be someone with such a depth of feeling as to put himself at a tangible risk just to be with the person he loved. With Hanabi as the new heir apparent in the Hyuuga, he could have gotten away with dating Hinata if she’d already transgressed to the point of breaking her arranged engagement, but Shino was absolutely locked into an arranged marriage to further the interests of his clan, and his father would certainly refuse to consider an alternative, let alone something like this. 

He gripped his previously slack fingers, holding her hand in return, looking at her steadily. “I won’t say anything. You have my word.” 

She let out an explosive sigh of relief, hugging their clenched hands to her chest for a moment. “Thank you.” 

She was grateful, smiling up at him, and of course, he had to ruin the moment, his brow furrowing as he let a question from the voice in the back of his head pass over his lips, asking, “Did you really think I would put the Inuzuka in harm’s way? Or intentionally damage the relationship of your friends?” 

She flushed, glancing down, taking in their clasped hands and letting him go as if she’d just realized what she was doing. His hand dropped back down to his side and Neji hated himself for asking. 

“No, I didn’t mean…” She hugged herself self-consciously, looking down at the carpet. As he mentally kicked himself with great vigor, she looked back up, steeling her gaze. “They’re my closest friends. I just want to keep them safe, that’s all I was thinking about.” 

Relief that she hadn’t apologized surged though him, and he nodded. “I understand. I would do the same.” 

It wasn’t fair to assume her reaction had been solely tailored for him and wasn’t how she would have reacted to anyone finding out something that could threaten the happiness of the people she loved. 

A hint of her smile returned, and they regarded each other quietly until she blinked, looking over his shoulder again and murmuring, “I should get back, they’ll be wondering what happened to me.” 

The thought of her leaving prompted him to finally remember why he’d come in the first place. “Are you free for dinner tonight?” 

She smiled a little wider and nodded. “I was planning to just have dinner brought to my rooms, would you like to meet me here?” She glanced around them and bit her lip, adding, “The sitting room, I mean. Not here exactly.” 

All his carefully ordered thoughts about how he was going to start the conversation on ending their engagement had been scattered at this point, so he simply nodded again, taking his leave and moving swiftly by the still ajar sitting room door as he went down the hallway. 

__________ 

Hinata spent the scant time between her friends leaving and Neji arriving in a rather tumultuous state. She hadn’t told Shino and Kiba that Neji was aware of their relationship; she just couldn’t bring herself to do it right on the heels of having poked directly into the sore spot that Kiba had for clan traditions and the dark pall they cast over his private life. She was certain he had no questions about Shino’s feelings for him, but she knew him too well not to have picked up on the fact that the more invested he became in anything, the more afraid he was of having it taken away from him, and he was keenly aware that his position didn’t come with clan backing or a prestigious title or a ton of money, while their relationship would surely cost Shino all of those things if they went public. 

It was enough for now that Neji had agreed to keep it a secret. She’d returned to the sitting room to find her friends wedged together on the loveseat and decided that telling them could wait for a day when it wouldn’t be piling on. 

She was grateful to Neji for his cooperation, though his reaction had disappointed her. It wasn’t a surprise to hear hateful comments toward homosexual relationships from the clan elders, who never missed an opportunity to sneer between themselves about openly gay shinobi, such as the endless remarking between themselves that Kakashi only got away with the transgression that was openly dating Umino Iruka because the famous Copy Nin was indispensable to the village and his clan had been effectively wiped out as it was. But Neji was barely a year older than her, and she’d assumed he would be more open minded. Hinata mulled his reaction over in her mind. Maybe he’d just been shocked. She’d had the benefit of knowing how Kiba felt for years before he’d ever acted on it. Neji had just learned about them today. 

He returned that evening, knocking softly on the sitting room door and joining her by the coffee table, still in his all black off duty wear, his hair fully dry now and sweeping gracefully back over his shoulders into a loose tie, held back from his forehead by the cloth headband he worse in place of his forehead protector. Before she could stumble on some formal greeting, finding it odd to have him in her personal rooms now without the distracting panic on her friends’ behalf, his eyes sharpened in interest toward the book she’d set aside as he’d entered. 

“What are you reading?” 

She hesitated, then picked it up to offer it to him, a little nervous to explain. “There’s a growing new genre of literature in Sand; this is one of their more prominent writers.” Her mother thought it was a hideous waste of time to be reading for pleasure; the few times she’d bothered to come all the way to Hinata’s rooms she made sure to greet the large bookcases in the sitting room with withering disdain. 

Neji settled into the loveseat across the table, running his fingers thoughtfully over the cover. “Is he known for anything in particular?” 

The question was an unexpected pleasure, something someone who actually read for fun might ask. “His prose. It’s very conceptual and a bit… controversial because he doesn’t adhere to a strict rhetorical style. He makes liberal use of metaphor in his writing.” 

He looked intrigued. “Would you recommend it?” 

“Very much.” She nearly grinned, relaxing into the back of the plush chair and indicating at the nearest bookshelf. “I have several of his works if you’d like to borrow one.” She tried not to seem too excited. Kiba and Ino were too impatient to read for fun and Shino found anything that wasn’t technical or strict realism to be inaccessible; the thought of being able to discuss what she’d been reading with someone who might willingly partake was tantalizing. 

His eyes followed her gesture, regarding the stacked volumes curiously. “Which should I start with?” 

It was an easy answer; she tugged the earliest work she had of his off the shelf and handed it over. “This story collection is a good start to see if you like his style.” 

Neji accepted the book, falling silent and studying the back as a servant arrived with dinner. Hinata thanked him as he laid the spread between them on the coffee table, suddenly wondering if it was a mistake to invite Neji here. The servants would all be talking about it, and while she took a somewhat vindictive pleasure in knowing her mother would hear gossip about Kiba’s inappropriate behavior, this was different. Neji had been tolerating spending time with her, likely to forestall any claims by the clan elders that they hadn’t given the engagement a chance by getting to know one another better, but rumors about them spreading around would only make it more difficult to call off the engagement in the end. 

For his part, Neji seemed unbothered by any similar thoughts, rising to set the short story collection on the end table by the door as the servant left them alone. “I look forward to reading it. How did you become acquainted with the new genre of literature being written in Sand?” 

The memory brought a smile to her face. She lifted the bottle of wine in a question, pouring him some when he nodded, and told him of the startlingly stressful mission she’d been sent on several years ago to Sand. The Hokage had wanted to initiate some kind of cultural exchange between their villages, an idea she’d made very clear had been forced on her by advisors rather than her own initiative. Naruto had been sent with a team of his own choosing, which Hinata had privately thought was perhaps a questionable choice to lead that type of mission. No one could miss the particular relationship he had with the Kazekage, the two of them sharing an impenetrable bond in the way that only jinchuriki could. This made him the go to team lead for any mission in Sand, smoothing out any potential diplomatic wrinkles before they could even arise, but Naruto had only the loosest conception of what a cultural exchange might even look like, and he was lost from the moment they’d entered the village. 

What had followed had been weeks of dealing with artistic types that seemed to leap at any opportunity to launch into a wild state of offense at the purported inability of anyone from Konoha to ‘comprehend’ the ‘majesty’ of traditional art from Sand. She couldn’t have even faulted Naruto much of the time, since there had to be a reasonable limit on how much one could possibly say about a pressure-forced sand boulder beyond: “tan” and “lumpy.” Unlike Naruto though, she and Ino had listened attentively to multi hour lectures on the myriad words there apparently were to describe the infinite colors contained in a grain of sand, pretending at least a little convincingly to see what the artists were describing. Even Lee managed to muster a compliment for each piece of ‘art,’ while Naruto’s eyes glazed over and his shoulders twitched with the need to be doing something, anything other than standing around talking about colors and shapes and the meaning of life. 

Neji did seem to enjoy listening to a recounting of their mutual friend’s mishaps in Sand; by the time they’d finished the food and were breaking open a second bottle of wine, there was a slight smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“That wasn’t the worst one, actually.” 

He cocked his head. “How can that not have been the worst one?” 

She couldn’t keep a laugh in before she’d even started on the thing that had nearly caused an independent declaration of war against Konoha by the Sand artistic community. “Well, we still had a day left after he and Lee broke the sand sculpture and Ino and I were looking for something harmless to take up a few hours, which I suppose was our first mistake. There was a food vendor in the artist’s market; we dragged Naruto there and let the man tell us an hour long tale about this enormous gourd he’d grown, and Naruto went nuts, he loved it.” 

Neji raised an eyebrow, and she shrugged. Who was to say what went on in the mind of their cohort’s now beloved but still baffling loudest member? The gourd had been huge and misshapen, with a swirling morass of greens and browns all bleeding together and dropping into seams in the flesh or splashing along protrusions that seemed to follow no pattern. Honestly, it had been extremely ugly, but Naruto had been mesmerized by it. 

“He asked how much it was and insisted on buying it. The vendor was thrilled; told him he was a man of great taste and sophistication. We went back to our quarters in the Kazekage’s mansion feeling like we’d at least ended on a good note.” 

“I take the gourd did not make a good meal?” 

“Honestly? It was great. Naruto cut it up and roasted it himself, he caramelized it and split it up between us and we spent the whole night talking about how delicious it was and how surprised we were that he knew how to cook, though I’m sure that was Iruka’s handiwork. The problem was the next day.” She took a sip and then nodded her thanks as he topped her off. “Naruto insisted on going back to the artist’s market to tell the vendor how much he’d loved the gourd. I think it was mostly an excuse to buy more of them, but while he was at it, he told the vendor exactly what he’d done with the one he’d bought the previous day.” 

There was a pregnant pause while a quiet chuckle escaped her, a ghost of the laughter she’d almost died trying to keep in at the artist’s market that day. At first. “The vendor completely lost his mind. He screamed that his gourds weren’t food, they were art, Naruto had desecrated the sacred traditions of the village of Sand, it would have been less offensive if Naruto had simply pissed on his shop front directly…” 

Neji was watching her with wide, incredulous eyes and she nodded. “Exactly. And imagine how we felt, being deafened by this in person. The rest of us were a little too shocked to say anything, which was unfortunate because Naruto started screaming back that gourds were too food and then he started describing the taste and the texture in incredible detail and I thought the vendor was going to have an aneurysm. It was right around when he said that pretending food was art was ‘stupid’ that we noticed the rest of the market had dropped what they were doing and were closing in around us.” 

Hinata dropped a hand over her face in remembered exasperation, huffing out a laugh through her fingers. “Thank god for Lee, he snatched Naruto off the street mid-insult, so we weren’t directly involved in a brawl.” 

“Not _directly_ involved in one?” 

“No. We just had to explain to the Kazekage why we’d caused a small, but very real, riot in the middle of the village, in the middle of a festival, while on a goodwill mission.” 

Neji let out a soft chuckle. “He knows Naruto so well; he must have seen it coming.” 

“Remarkably, he did not. Thankfully, he took it in stride.” Gaara seemed to have an infinite well of patience and reserve that contrasted sharply with Naruto’s impulsiveness and reckless indulgence. 

Neji cocked his head, an inquisitive smile curving at the corner of his mouth. “How in all this chaos did you have time to acquaint yourself with the latest literature in Sand?” 

Hinata blinked, realizing she’d forgotten the original point of the story. “Oh, yes. Well, after he tipped over what turned out to be a very important bowl of sand on the second day, we decided to institute a buddy system so Naruto didn’t go anywhere alone, which gave those of us that weren’t on duty some time to wander by ourselves. I happened to meet a particularly persistent misunderstood artistic genius and in my attempts to escape, I wound up sheltering in a bookstore.” She cast a fond gaze at the collected works from Sand she had amassed since that trip. “It was run by a lovely older woman, who showed me everything in the store and I wound up spending the rest of the day there. I haven’t been back to Sand in a long time, but Kiba brought me new volumes from his last few missions there.” 

Something flickered in Neji’s gaze at Kiba’s name, there and gone before she could identify it. “That’s very thoughtful of him.” His tone was carefully neutral. 

She bit her lip, wondering if she should just let it lie, before murmuring, “I… I wanted to thank you again. For not saying anything about them.” 

His face remained unreadable; she hoped he wasn’t still upset that she’d implied she thought he might act maliciously toward her friends. “I don’t see that anyone should have a say in what they choose to do.” 

“No, but I’m certain the Aburame clan leader will disagree. I’m sure that Shino’s father has arranged…” Her voice trailed off as she realized she was essentially describing their situation. Well. They really did need to talk about it; he’d probably been waiting for her to give him an opening like that. 

Instead of homing in on the obvious allusion to their still unaddressed engagement, he dropped his gaze to the table and murmured, “It’s unfair for them to need to consider others when making these decisions… Do you know what they plan to do when his father announces Shino’s engagement?” 

The question was painful, her heart aching for her friends. “No. I’m not sure they know what they’ll do. I know that they love each other, and that’s what matters right now.” Hinata paused, wondering if she’d shared too much about them. Neither was particularly fond of Neji; they wouldn’t be thrilled when they learned he was aware of their relationship as it was. Though he seemed more concerned for their wellbeing than she’d expected. 

“That’s good.” Neji’s voice was faint, almost imperceptible, his gaze still directed down toward the table. “They should be free to be with the person they love.” He looked up at her, wary and suddenly tense and her breath caught in her throat, wondering if he actually was talking about their unaddressed engagement, if she was about to learn that there was someone Neji loved, and her heart ached again but this time she wasn’t sure why. He’d dated a few women, but she hadn’t thought any of the relationships were serious. 

A heavy silence stretched between them, and she finished off her glass of wine, fiddling with the stem, trying to work out why her chest suddenly felt tight. “Neji-,” 

“Hinata, I’m sorry.” He’d set his glass down and his hands were clenched into fists in his lap, his whole body tense, silver eyes watching her with regret. Shame deepened his voice, his jaw clenching as he seemed to need to force himself to speak. “I’m so sorry for how I acted when we were younger, for my conduct in our chunin exam. And for not apologizing sooner. I should have told you a long time ago.” 

“Neji-,” 

He glared down at his clenched fists, his posture rigid at the very edge of the loveseat. “I do not expect forgiveness, my behavior was reprehensible. But you deserve an apology, and I am truly sorry.” 

“Neji-,” he flinched, and emotion choked off her voice, and abruptly she rose, circling the coffee table to sit beside him on the loveseat. 

She’d waited so long for an apology, had taken to heart that he didn’t seem to think she deserved one, but the typically reserved and collected Neji was practically vibrating with suppressed emotion, his face contorted in pain, and she felt an echo of that pain in herself. Neither of them was responsible for the ugliness the family had visited upon their childhoods. Hinata reached out, laying a hand over one of his, and he jerked, still staring down at his lap. 

His skin was warm, as it had been earlier when she’d dragged him away from the sitting room. His fist began to unclench, and she slid her fingers down to caress over his palm. 

“It’s alright.” 

He flinched again, his voice a strained whisper, not holding her hand, but letting her hold his. “I tormented you… I tried to kill you, Hinata.” 

“We were children.” She squeezed her fingers tightly, and he finally looked up. Whatever he saw on her face seemed to make him freeze. She hardly knew how she was feeling herself. “You… yes, you did. Thank you for apologizing.” Thanking him sounded odd, but she needed him to know the admission had meant something to her, as difficult as it had obviously been for him to get it out. “It means a lot. But I do forgive you. You lost so much. We were both so young, and we had such little control over our lives.” 

He stared; lips parted in shock. “How can you forgive me?” 

She squeezed her fingers again. They fit together perfectly, his much larger hand surrounding hers, cradling it to his palm. “I know what you went through when we were young. I wanted to prove myself and I thought-,” 

She broke off, emotion choking her voice again, and he finally gripped her hand back, his fingers closing around her, sliding over her skin and holding her tightly. “You were far braver than I was that day. I should have told you that a long time ago too.” 

All the breath left her as Neji somehow found words that soothed that years old hurt, words that confirmed that he’d seen her as she’d tried so hard to be seen in that fight, words she hadn’t even known she’d wanted to hear. They were right up against each other on the loveseat. The low light in the sitting room caught the strands of Neji’s hair, sweeping more heavily over his shoulder as the tie had loosened over time. He stroked his thumb almost absently over the back of her hand, and her gaze dropped down to his mouth. She saw him notice the change in her eyeline, watched his gaze intensify, pinning her in place, stroking over the back of her hand again, less absently, more intently. 

Something passed between them, an awareness that heated her body and prompted a flutter of pleasure and anxiety in her stomach. God, Neji really was beautiful. They were leaning in, minutely, almost imperceptibly, and just as she realized where this had to be heading, he seemed to realize it as well. He froze, letting out a shaky breath, and released her hand. Too surprised by what had almost happened, Hinata barely got it together to rise when he did, nodding at him mumbling that it was late and he should return home, feeling silly at her impulse to walk him out like the very polite host she’d been trained to be and pausing beside him as he tugged open the door the sitting room. 

Neji picked up the book of short stories from the tiny end table and tucked it under his arm, turning toward her like he was going to say something about it, but he didn’t say anything at first. Instead, he reached up after a beat, stunning her by running his fingers through one of the little points of hair that ran over her ears in a wistful, easy gesture as though he’d done it hundreds of times. 

“I’ll see you soon?” 

All she could do was nod, watching him leave and then reaching up to stroke through her hair, following the path his fingers had taken. 

__________ 

Neji left the main house building with a projected confidence that didn’t correspond to his feelings at all, walking serenely across the courtyard to the branch house building, nodding at his aunt as he passed the central dining room, making for his room at a leisurely pace like there was nothing on his mind. He maintained his composure until he’d thrown the bolt on the door to his bedroom, turning and leaning against it and putting a hand over his mouth. He realized with a faint horror that he was trembling. 

That had not gone the way he’d planned. 

No part of the evening had gone the way he’d planned. 

A thump prompted him to open eyes he hadn’t realized he’d closed, and he looked down to find he’d dropped the book of short stories. He bent to pick it up, watching his hand shake as he did so. The leather cover was cool to the touch, and he blinked at it for a long time before he finally moved to his bed, dropping it on the nearby table and sitting down on the mattress to let his head fall into his hands. 

What was he thinking? 

Hinata had touched his hand and then she’d looked at him like she’d wanted… 

And then he’d been leaning in and he hadn’t realized he’d been leaning in until her eyes widened and then he hadn’t known what to do. 

She’d wanted to kiss him. 

It seemed unlikely, but he wasn’t capable of pretending he thought he’d misinterpreted her reaction. She’d wanted to kiss him. That want, that mirror of his own desire, it had sparked something hot and intense inside him, something that made him afraid of what he might do. That mirror of want in her was just a fraction of what he felt, paradoxically making him feel even more out of line than he had before, seeing a possible attraction but immediately noting how lopsided it was compared to what he was feeling. 

The apology had tumbled out of him as the obvious opening to talk about their engagement presented itself, his mind seemingly determined to get it in before they worked out how they were going to call things off, while they still had a reason to talk to each other. 

Then she forgave him. 

He had no idea how to deal with the fact that she forgave him. 

He grimaced, pressing his hands against his eyes, then abruptly stood and undressed, pulling off his headband, falling back to lie on the bedspread when he was in a simple pair of loose pants, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling of his bedroom, wishing he could will himself to sleep. He couldn’t put much stock in any potential attraction he’d seen that night, not after he’d dropped an emotional and long overdue apology on her with no warning. 

Hinata was sweet and compassionate by nature. She’d probably just been reacting to seeing him so upset, wanting to comfort him and getting caught up in the moment. 

He could still feel the ghost of her touch in his hand. Imagined he could still smell the faint scent of jasmine that he’d picked up when she sat next to him. He shut his eyes, trying to block out the moment she’d dropped her gaze to his mouth, the wanting in her delicate features that had taken him completely by surprise. The image refused to fade, and he groaned aloud. 

Fuck. 

He was already hard, shocked and somewhat resigned at how readily he’d reacted to even a hint that she wanted him in that way. 

He was going to regret this as soon as he was done. He knew that, but his tipsy mind refused to change tack and he ached with arousal and he touched himself without really making a decision to do so, biting his lip as he drew himself out of his pants, stroking lightly. 

What would have happened if he hadn’t left? Would she have kept leaning in? Would she have kissed him? 

His cock throbbed in his hand and he groaned again, fumbling for the lubricant without looking, slicking up his fingers and stroking himself firmly, thinking of her lips parting as she looked at him with want, thinking about how they would feel against his own. He imagined that he’d stayed, that she’d led him to her bedroom again, how her body would feel if she’d let him touch her, let him hold her tightly, let him tug her clothing open. 

How would she touch him? Would she be aggressive and wanting, once they’d started? Would she grip him, pet and play with his hair the way he liked, wrap her slim, pretty fingers around him and stroke him while they kissed? Would she let him press her down onto her bed, part her legs for him? 

Neji hissed quietly into his darkened room, working himself faster. He wanted to take her apart with his hands, pet and rub and stroke until she was wet and rocking into his touch, slide his fingers inside her and thrust while he massaged his thumb over her clit. He wanted to hear how her voice would sound, if it would be high and breathless, or deepened with need, wanted to hear her cry out his name and clutch at him, pant and writhe and open up for him. God, he wanted to make her come, feel the pulse and shudder of it around his fingers, tell her how lovely she was, how badly he’d wanted to touch her, to see her like this, to make her feel good, to know she wanted him too. 

He came with a gasp, his orgasm almost surprising him, emptying over his stomach, on and on, sending pulses of pleasure through him while he stroked himself through it, thinking about the way she’d looked at him until his touch was too much. He let his hand fall to the bedspread and realized with a frown that he was panting. Seriously, what was wrong him? Getting so worked up over such a small thing, getting so carried away with only his own hand… It was pathetic. 

Neji threw an arm over his face, sheltering from his own actions for a moment, waiting for his breathing to even out. Fucking hell. He’d spent so long circumventing any feelings like that for Hinata, and now they were rising up, embarrassing in their depth and intensity, hijacking his body and mind. No matter what he’d seen in her expression, it was difficult to seriously imagine she would respond to him like that, open and vulnerable and meeting his hunger for her equally with her own for him. 

His head lolled to the side, and he caught sight of himself in the mirror by his closet, watched the rise and fall of his chest almost clinically, his pants shoved partly down his hips, his body calming down post release. His mind wasn’t calming though. The mark on his forehead stood out in inky black in his reflection, impossible to miss, even in the low light. 

Neji had never said it aloud before, that he’d tried to kill her during their chunin exam. He knew that Hinata’s genin team leader had seen through him, had recognized his killing intent. He’d assumed she’d told Hinata what she’d seen. But he’d never said it aloud. He reached up to run his fingers over the mark. Hatred for the main family still flickered through him when he looked at it, dulled though it was by the years of maturing he’d done and by learning the truth of how his father had died. And that hatred had coalesced around Hinata in his youth. The cute girl he’d learned too quickly would never look twice at him, because he was from the branch house. He couldn’t even remember a single time she’d ever been unkind to him, despite the fact that he’d convinced himself she looked at him with contempt. 

He rubbed over the mark again. He was supposed to protect her. Instead, he’d tried to kill her, something in him snapping when she refused to yield and filling him not with even the paltry excuse of a blinding rage, but a cold and cruel determination to destroy everything she was. At that point, he hadn’t seen her a person for so long, had only seen what she represented. It wasn’t until his hatred had tempered down, until he’d had his assumptions about destiny completely shattered, that he’d realized how different she was from how he’d seen her. Of course, by then, he’d tormented her for years, beaten her and tried to murder her. 

He gritted his teeth, desperately needing to be unconscious, feeling his thoughts ramping up into an unproductive spiral, promising that sleep would be a long time coming. Finally, he rolled to the side, snagging a tissue to clean himself up, tossing it into the trash and eyeing the book of short stories on his bedside table. Even if it turned out he hated this author’s experimental style, it would give him something else to think about. He grabbed it, flicking on a light, and settled back against the headboard. 

__________ 

The chunin exam preparations were time consuming, but hardly mentally taxing, and Hinata desperately needed a distraction. It wasn’t that she’d spent the entire night thinking about what had happened with Neji, wondering if his lips were as soft as they looked, wondering if he would have kissed her back, if he would given any indication that he wanted her half as much as she was realizing she wanted him. 

Nope. She definitely hadn’t done that, and she definitely wasn’t spending the day the same way. Kiba had immediately noticed how distracted she was, because of course he had, and asked a million questions she wasn’t ready to answer because of how raw he was about the arranged marriage situation and the grudge he clearly still held over what Neji had done to her in the past. Part of her was still ashamed of the way she’d regarded Neji, how she’d looked up to and admired his skills as a shinobi and harbored an attraction she couldn’t shake all while he’d treated her so terribly. Even though things had improved in the last few years, she couldn’t pretend she hadn’t had those feelings even while he’d tormented her, and it still made her feel pathetic. Wanting someone who would never want you back was an awful feeling. 

Of course, it had never occurred to her she would have a reason to confront that admiration and attraction, or how pathetic they had made her feel as a girl. And Neji had seemed so ashamed, so miserable as he apologized for what he’d done, and then he’d looked at her like he’d wanted to… 

Hinata paused, suspended horizontally between two trees with chakra through her feet, hands going still on the trap she was setting in the forest arena. That was the other thing she was definitely not endlessly thinking about: Neji had apologized. And another thing she wasn’t ready to talk to Kiba about; she feared he would react with derision or tell her it was too late for him to apologize or assume that Neji had been lying to try to trick her or take advantage of her. Kiba hadn’t seen his face, heard his voice, watched the tension spread throughout his body. He wouldn’t know Neji had been sincere the way she did. He wouldn’t have felt the way Neji had held her hand, the sudden electricity between them. At least, she hoped it had been between them, and not entirely in her head. 

She huffed out a sigh, shaking her head as if she could physically dislodge the mobius strip of her thoughts. She was a grown woman, with no business mooning over a man like a girl with a crush. She made herself focus on the trap, drawing the wires tight very carefully, maneuvering around the nested strands, extracting herself without setting any of the triggers off. This was why she was doing the setting while Kiba and Ino scouted the next locations; the two of them were a little too impatient for complex trap work. After they’d each set one off on accident by rushing through a crucial step, she’d demanded they hand over the materials and sent them to decide where they would lay the next one. 

The system she’d come up with worked much better, and they wrapped up their section of the forest in a timely manner. At least listening to Ino and Kiba joke about all the ways they were going to terrify the kids during the exam helped to occupy her mind. By the time they strolled out of the arena to drop off the remaining trap components and mark where each had been placed on the master map, she was feeling better, chuckling at Kiba’s enthusiasm for scaring the crap of out of young, impressionable genin like he hadn’t been plenty scared on their first run through of the chunin exams. 

As they signed their section map and handed it back to the jounin instructor, Hinata felt a tug on her elbow, turning to find Ino grinning at her. 

“Let’s go grab a drink.” 

“Ooh, yeah, we can go to, mph-,” Kiba’s voice cut off as Ino shoved a hand over his face, playfully but forcefully knocking him back. 

“I don’t think so, dog boy. We need some girl time.” 

“Girl time? For what?!” he whined, steadying himself on Akamaru’s back. 

Ino wrapped an arm around Hinata, pulling her along and calling over her shoulder, “That’s none of your business!” 

Hinata couldn’t stop a giggle at the equally offended and baffled look on Kiba’s face, even as she suggested they grab that drink at Ino’s place after a sudden flash of inspiration. She couldn’t talk to Kiba about what had happened yet, but it seemed like a perfect topic for ‘girl time.’ Assuming she could be assured of some privacy. Ino was amenable, leading her back into town and through a somewhat quaint neighborhood to the apartment she and Shikamaru had moved into just a few short months ago. 

They’d picked the place out together, an indication of major concessions on Shikamaru’s part, who was not known for his flexibility or his willingness to compromise. Weeks of discussing their search with Ino and Sakura meant Hinata knew that Ino had bargained hard for the neighborhood, not too far from the Yamanaka flower shop, dotted with boutique tea shops and cozy little restaurants. Going with her friends to look at the place while they searched had filled her with a strange sort of longing. That she would remain in the Hyuuga compound had always been a given, and she’d never particularly minded before. But the privacy afforded to Ino and Shikamaru, and the intimacy of building a space together that was truly theirs, had made her a bit wistful. 

Inside was an open floorplan with large bay windows pointed away from the taller buildings of the more developed parts of town so they looked out onto a great view of sprawling, open sky. An l-shaped couch faced the windows, where Hinata sat after Ino waved her out of the kitchen, leaning into the fridge to retrieve a bottle of rose and calling over her shoulder in answer to Hinata’s question, “He’s at the tower. The Hokage has some big project she’s working on; he’ll need to stay late every night this week.” 

A sly smile tugged at her mouth. “And you’ve resisted the urge to kidnap him thus far?” 

The cap twisted off the wine with a sharp sound as Ino flicked her ponytail over one shoulder, flashing a wicked smile. “For now.” She sashayed over to the couch to hand Hinata a glass, sinking down beside her and clinking them together almost too hard. 

“Such restraint,” she murmured dryly, taking a sip. 

They spent a comfortable hour drinking wine and talking about their mission assignments, reminiscing over stories of their chunin exams and discussing Ino’s preparations to take the jounin exam. She’d been surprised when her friend first announced she was planning to take the jounin exam already, but Ino had simply shrugged and said she wanted to challenge herself, and she fully expected to take it for the experience, not to pass. 

“Now that you’re more acquainted with the preparation, do you still think you’re only taking it for the experience?” 

Ino sighed, but not unhappily, leaning her head back to stare out at the darkening sky. “Asuma was right about my not being ready to pass, but he’s been training me personally, and he thinks I’ll get a lot out of it. Whether or not I pass, as long as I do okay, I’ll be able to apply for higher ranked missions, which will let me develop my skills further.” When Hinata only nodded thoughtfully, she added, “There’s no reason you can’t take a shot at it. I’m sure Kurenai would be happy to give you some one on one training.” 

That was probably true. Gai had been helping Neji with his jounin exam training; it seemed the job of a genin team leader didn’t end when the team disbanded. She mulled the thought over, nibbling on the snacks Ino had put out, while the blonde watched her with a frown. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I just…” She loved Ino, but her friend often simply didn’t understand clan politics. “Well, my mother wouldn’t exactly support my taking an exam I planned to fail.” 

Ino’s frown deepened, and Hinata could see her warring with the impulse to say her mother could go fuck herself. After all these years, she still admired how easily Ino stood up for herself and her friends, even if she couldn’t exactly emulate it. 

A calming breath proceeded her murmuring in a carefully even tone, “Even if it was a good experience for you?” 

“Even then. A failure reflects poorly on the clan; that’s more important than personal development.” 

Ino let out an annoyed hiss, chewing her lip thoughtfully. “Well, maybe you don’t plan to fail then? Neji is taking his jounin exam in this cohort, maybe he can help you prepare once he’s passed? He can assist you with clan techniques that I can’t, and it seems like you two are getting along better now.” 

A traitorous blush burned over her cheeks, and she glanced down at the couch almost guiltily. “I… maybe.” 

Bright blue eyes zeroed right in on the blush, and a teasing lilt colored her voice. “Okay, don’t think we’re done talking about the jounin exam, but what is with that face? I thought the engagement was perfunctory and you were going to call it off?” The clan had yet to make the announcement public, but of course Kiba had complained about it to some of their friends, so Ino had heard and correctly guessed Hinata’s original intention. 

“We were.” 

“Were?!” 

“We are,” she said with more conviction. “I think. Oh god.” She looked away, sipping her wine, trying to ignore her friend staring at her with her mouth hanging open. 

“…you think?!” 

Perhaps it had been a mistake to try to talk about last night so soon. Not that they’d even touched on the subject yet. And she really did need another perspective. 

Almost like she’d read her mind, Ino reached out to put a calming hand on her knee. “How have things been with Neji, since they told you both?” 

How to even describe it? “I’m sure he wants to call it off. I’m sure he does… but he’s been really… sweet, kind of. We’ve spent a lot of time together. Although we have to, so the elders can’t say we didn’t give it a chance when we announce we won’t be going through with it.” 

Ino watched her, clearly knowing there was more, finally prompting, “And?” 

“And… something happened last night.” A delighted and somewhat wicked look spread over her friend’s face and Hinata blushed again, self-conscious at how tame what had happened was compared to whatever Ino was obviously thinking. “I mean, it wasn’t… well, he apologized, for how he treated me when we were younger, for what happened in our first chunin exam.” 

Ino squeezed her hand; she knew how much that meant to Hinata, and she didn’t question whether he had been sincere, which was an enormous relief. 

“He was upset, I held his hand… we were right next to each other and…” She glanced at her friend, then back down at the couch. “He wanted to kiss me, I’m sure of it.” 

There was a baited pause, and she didn’t look up. “Did he kiss you?” 

“No.” She took in a quick breath. “Anyway, I’m sure it was nothing, that he doesn’t… really want…” 

“Why wouldn’t he want to kiss you?” 

She eyed the blonde incredulously. “Well, he’s…” 

“Look, he’s gorgeous, no question. But so are you! And unlike him, you’re not a stiff, overly reserved weirdo who doesn’t know to make friends-,” 

“Ino!” 

“-you’re sweet and loyal and loving, so why wouldn’t he want to be with you?” 

“He’s…” Everything that she wanted to say was true, but she knew how Ino would react. “He’s far beyond me in ability… he’s the most valuable asset the clan has.” 

“Sure, that’s great for the clan. What does that have to do with you?” Hinata flinched, and she barreled on. “Seriously, fuck that! You’ve been working and fighting as long and hard as the rest of us, you’re a great shinobi! You’re an asset to your clan too.” 

“Not like him. Mother wouldn’t have even considered the engagement if he wasn’t… well, and if I wasn’t expendable as the heir.” 

There. She’d said it. The engagement was a win for her mother on several fronts, top among them being the excuse it provided to move the title of heir to the far more talented Hanabi without needing to deal with the nasty scandal of disowning her eldest child directly. The fact that it was sensible from her mother’s perspective only made it hurt more. 

Ino was staring at her, jaw tight, expression unreadable, and long seconds went by before she asked, softly, “Hinata, do you want to kiss Neji?” 

She’d come too far and embarrassed herself too much to lie now. Even so, she barely heard herself answer, “Yes.” 

The low light of the fading day cast the two of them partially in shadow; neither had gotten up to turn on a lamp as the sun set. Ino had sunk back to throw an arm over the back of the couch, twisting to face her fully. She looked troubled, though Hinata wasn’t sure exactly why, and she was a quiet for an uncharacteristically long time as she seemed to consider what to say. 

“Look. He’d be lucky to have you if you want to be with him. And maybe you do want to be with him, but you can’t let yourself want that because it’s so twisted up with what happened when you were kids and this engagement and your mother being an absolute shit parent-,” Hinata flinched again, “she is, don’t even try to argue! Maybe you could try to untangle all of that, just for a little bit, and talk to him about how you actually feel.” 

Oh god, the thought of trying to talk to him about her feelings was mortifying. “What if he doesn’t feel… the same way?” 

Ino sent her a look that was equal parts compassion and exasperation. “I hate to say it, but that’s just the risk you take when you tell someone you like them. They might not like you back. But you won’t know if you never even try. It may be good for the clan or whatever, but the most important people in this engagement are the two of you. Fuck the clan, what do you want?” 

It had been so easy, before, not to think about what she might want from Neji. They’d found a strained peace between them, a major improvement from the outright antagonism of their youth. And her shame at the lack of self-respect her infatuation has seemed to indicate had been ample motivation to keep anything other than a wistful desire for a real apology in the back of her mind. Now though… 

“Everything I’ve made for myself, I’ve had to earn, by getting away from my clan, by exceeding their expectations. And I’ve done it and I’m very proud of myself. But those things are mine. This thing with Neji… how could he ever really forgive me for what the main house has done? How could he ever want to be with me, when all that ugliness sits between us, with the clan stepping in to control our lives like this, exactly the way it’s always done to him?” 

The sky had dimmed to a deep, lovely blue, the last vestiges of daytime clinging in a thin, fuzzy line of orange on the horizon. She studied the colors as she felt Ino scooting closer until their shoulders were pressed together in a small gesture of physical comfort. 

“I’m sorry I can’t offer more advice about the problems with your clan. I just don’t know how those things work. But I can tell you that you won’t get any answers by thinking about the clan. What if you forgot about all that, for a little while? Just talk to him like he’s a boy you’re interested in, who might be interested in you. Maybe the way to deal with the rest of it will become clear once you’ve dealt with your own feelings.” 

“You make it sound so easy…” 

“That sounded easy?!” The blonde’s incredulous tone caused Hinata to let out a snort of laughter. “Putting yourself out there might be simple, but it isn’t easy! Sadly, it’s the only way to let someone how you feel, so it’s what you’re stuck with.” 

She giggled, glancing at her friend. “Ugh, I think I knew that. I just needed to hear someone say it…” 

Ino grinned, lifting her glass, and Hinata snagged hers from the table, the two meeting halfway. “To simple and difficult.” 

“Simple and difficult.” 

__________ 

The sideways flutter of an explosive tag catching in the wind just enough for him to notice it as his byakugan rendered the tree trunk transparent, gave him a scant few seconds to launch in the other direction, narrowly avoiding a spray of splinters and a cloying cloud of smoke. Neji barely tapped against his landing place before he was moving again, seeking his quarry now at a distinct disadvantage. It seemed Gai had lied about the set up for this particular exercise, but then the entire event had been predicated on a kidnapping, so that seemed of a piece. 

It had been a very polite kidnapping at least, though very insistent, as Gai ever was. The presence of his star student only egged him on, and as soon as Neji had seen Lee at his teacher’s side he’d been resigned to being subjected to their whims for as long as they wanted. He’d volunteered for this jounin exam training knowing things like this would happen, so it wasn’t as though he could exactly complain when they did. 

Or be surprised that Tenten had been waiting in the woods to harass him with weaponry as soon as he’d begun his capture or kill training. Looked like Gai had decided to get the whole team back together for this. 

He reassessed his timeframe for running Lee to ground as he casually broke a genjutsu that was attempting to creep up on him; not a very serious attempt from Gai, which was worrying and made Neji cast his gaze around to see if he’d missed something. 

It turned out he had, the something being his former team leader coming directly at him, unexpected so early in the game. They must have wanted him to be worn out by the time he caught up with Lee. He readied a kunai in each hand as Gai bore down on him, Konoha’s proud green beast posed dramatically as he flew through the air, the sound of them clashing echoing through the vast forest. 

By the time they were finally finished, worn out didn’t even begin to capture the way he was feeling. It had taken almost four days for Gai to call the training done, and only after Neji had managed to spring a particularly intricate wire trap that finally slowed Lee down long enough for him to land a decisive blow just as the sun was dawning on the fourth day. When their former team leader announced the training was over, all three just sat down right where they’d stopped, breathing heavily, hungry and irritated and utterly filthy. 

“Remember, when it comes to battle, the enemy always gets a vote!” 

Gai, of course, seemed fine, striking a pose with one leg up on a log and bellowing as if he had exactly as much energy as when they’d started. Lee gave him a vigorous thumbs up, but couldn’t seem to manage an answering bellow of his own just yet. Neji just nodded, not bothering to even try to speak. He was hungry, but too tired to eat, which was a strange midpoint of discomfort, though not an unfamiliar state for any of them. As if he’d taken their former instructor’s energy level as a personal challenge, Lee was already struggling to his feet, and Neji waved off the hand he offered to help him stand. If the two of them were crazy enough to want to keep training, that was fine, but as long as his kidnapping was over, he was going home to shower and then sleep for a week. 

Gai and Lee skipped away and Neji sighed as he felt the weight of Tenten’s gaze settle onto his back. He hadn’t been thrilled to see her, and not only because she’d announced her presence three days ago by almost filling his face with wood shrapnel. Thank god she at least didn’t speak until they could be reasonably certain they were alone. 

“You know, when I said to come find me after you talk to her, I kind of figured that would be soon. Or _ever_. What the fuck have you been doing?” 

The volume made him wince; she’d crashed a good twenty feet away from him when the training was declared over, and it seemed she was content to yell over the distance instead of moving. He ran a hand through his hair while he contemplated whether to yell back or try to make himself get up so he could close the distance between them, then wrinkled his nose at his hand as he extracted it from the matted, oily strands. There was nothing quite like the type of dirty you got from multiple days in the field that consisted entirely of running and fighting and sweating and bleeding. 

In the end, the horrifying thought of someone being able to hear her yelling about his personal life won over exhaustion, and he pushed himself up with both hands, wobbling for a moment before he trudged over to collapse again next to her. She was on her back, arms thrown out, her similarly matted hair wilted in its little ponytails, a sheen of dirt on her face dissected by drips of sweat. He mimicked the position, sighing up at the sky and wondering if he could get away with saying nothing. Neji had fully intended to come find her to discuss the situation… as soon as it was already handled. Once they’d called off the engagement, he’d figured he and Tenten could drink sake and hiss around how much he still hated the main house for a solid night of camaraderie and righteous anger, and then never speak of it again. Instead of that very adult approach of whining and drinking about things he couldn’t change, he found that he was more of a morass of undealt with emotions than he’d been at the start. 

“Neji.” His name was a prompt to speak, clipped and forceful and he sighed again. 

“I haven’t come to find you because you said to do so once I knew what I wanted.” 

“…and you still don’t?” 

“I still don’t.” 

“Lies. And nonsense. You’re being ridiculous.” 

The next sigh came out much more forcefully. “You don’t know that.” 

“I know _you_. There’s no way you’ve spent the last week and more doing anything but figuring out exactly how you feel. I’m betting you just don’t like what you’ve figured out.” 

“Since you know so much, I suppose there’s no need for me to contribute to this discussion then.” 

“Don’t be sassy,” she chided him. When he was silent for a few minutes she finally murmured, “Talk to me.” 

The morning sun had cleared the horizon, bathing everything in warm, golden light. “I don’t want to.” 

She barked out a laugh, and he felt her hand nudge his in what could have been camaraderie or rebuke. “I know. Talking about your feelings is awful. Do it anyway.” 

“You have a real way with words.” 

“Neji…” 

“A true power of persuasion.” 

“ _Neji…_ ” 

She let him gather his thoughts, which wasn’t difficult, because she was right, he knew exactly what he wanted, but he petulantly watched a cloud meander overhead for a while, just to seem like he had some actual thinking to do. 

“I want to be with Hinata.” It felt pathetic to say, acknowledging at least to himself that he’d wanted that for much longer than the last few weeks, that he’d wanted that for a long time in which it had been pure fantasy that someone like her would consider being with someone like him. And of course, now they were near each other because they’d been essentially ordered to be, not because she’d chosen to be. 

“Well, that’s good news. You’re already engaged, convenience at its finest.” 

“ _Ten…_ ” 

The agony in his voice at least garnered a little pity from her, and her tone settled into something more serious. “What does she want?” 

“…I don’t know.” 

“Okay, seriously, what the fuck have you been doing? Haven’t you been spending time with her? You’ve somehow never gotten around to asking what she wants?!” 

“It’s not that easy, Ten.” 

“It is, actually. It’s as easy as asking what she wants. With your words. Like an adult.” He stared up at the sky, hearing her grunt in pain as she rolled over to face him without sitting up. “Look, I don’t want you to take this wrong way. And I never said anything because it was such a touchy subject and also probably not my business even though you’re my friend-,” 

“I can’t wait to hear this, whatever it is.” 

“Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been fixated on Hinata. And you said it was because you hated the main family, but you treated all of them like a single entity. All of them but her. She always got special attention from you. …and it was kind of hard not to wonder why.” 

He glanced at her, figuring that couldn’t be the end of her thought process, and she let out a deep, beleaguered sigh. 

“Look, if you wanted to quietly pine over her for the rest of your life, I was prepared to let you do it. I wasn’t even going to make fun of you for it! It’s your call. But I feel morally compelled to point out that you cannot let this opportunity just sail by now that it’s presented itself. I swear, if you don’t at least try to tell her how you feel I’m going to kick your ass.” 

He thought about the way Hinata had looked at him after dinner, feeling the lie in his words even as he murmured, “There’s no reason to think anything has changed for her.” 

“Maybe not. But you can _ask_.” 

Mulling the thought over, his own lack of experience here was rather galling. He’d dated a few women, but he hadn’t been particularly emotionally invested in them. Asking them out hadn’t held a lot of stakes; if they’d turned him down, he wouldn’t have been particularly hurt by it. Imagining Hinata turning him down, knowing from then on how he felt, looking at him with pity and derision… 

“What do I even say?” 

“I’ve been in love with you forever, sorry I was an asshole all those years, let’s bang.” 

“I swear, I’m going to kick _your_ ass.” 

She didn’t seem even slightly concerned. “Gai’s going to have to give you a break to recover after this. It’s the perfect time to get it out there. And then spend the next few days in bed together if she says yes.” 

“Ten…” 

“Fine, spend the next few days demurely courting her with flowers and compliments.” 

“I regret speaking to you.” 

“You know I’m right.” 

“I regret this whole friendship in fact.” 

“Rude.” 

A laugh rattled through his exhausted body. “The irony of _you_ calling someone rude…” An answering laugh from her drew a reluctant smile to his face. 

They laid there for a while in companionable silence, watching the clouds while Neji contemplated his options. An attractive one was to simply lie and tell Tenten he’d confessed his feelings and been turned down. She wouldn’t bring it up again. He could arrange to call off the engagement, he and Hinata could go back to seeing each other once in a while for a mostly silent walk through the village, he could return to his pining. God, was that what he’d been doing? Pining? Of course, the voice in the back of his head blithely informed him he’d never be able to live with lying to his best friend like that, so he couldn’t even pretend that’s how he was going to handle this. Goddamnit, he hated that voice. 

When they’d recovered enough to get back on their feet, they returned to the village, parting ways at the entrance. Given that he could practically see the smell coming off him, there was no way he was going to try to talk to Hinata right away. She was probably at the chunin exam preparations anyway, which was perfect. He could shower and eat and knock out a nap and be clean and fully conscious by the time she returned. 

He didn’t sleep for more than a few hours, and woke in time to be strongarmed into his aunt’s afternoon tea ritual, which involved a lot of silent contemplation of porcelain cups while sitting in a very uncomfortable position. At least he had plenty on his mind, so boredom wasn’t really a risk. By the time it was politely allowable to leave, he was reasonably certain Hinata would have returned to the compound. He made his way to the main house building, navigating back to her secluded wing, hoping he wasn’t going to be interrupting her former teammates in a compromising position again. 

Thankfully, it didn’t seem as though she had company. The sitting room was empty, and after a moment of hesitation he knocked at her bedroom door. He could ascertain if she was free this evening, meet her for dinner again, and then… his brain ground to a halt around any contemplation of what he might say to her, so that he almost jumped when she opened her bedroom door, startled out of his thoughts. 

Hinata was still in her chunin uniform. A small smile curved the corner of her mouth at the sight of him, and she gestured for him to come inside. Without the immediate distraction of an unexpected gay relationship, he had enough presence of mind to actually look around her bedroom. He was surprised to find that it was nearly identical to his. Most of the main house building was outfitted very ostentatiously, drawing a stark contrast to the more minimalist style of the branch house building. Rather than eye-catching carved furniture pieces and luxurious embroidered rugs, Hinata had an almost utilitarian set up, a comfortable, but understated bedframe bearing a mattress with black sheets, a simple dresser and bedside table in dark wood, with just a few personal items visible on the surfaces. 

She perched on the edge of her bed, unwrapping bandages from her legs and unstrapping the weapons holster from her thigh. Her tone was light as she asked, “I take it you’re done being kidnapped then?” 

He nodded. “Lee returned from a mission a few days ago. I assume it was his idea to add abduction to Gai’s training regimen.” 

“Probably,” she laughed as she crossed the room to deposit the bandages and weapons holster on her dresser. “How was the training?” 

“Difficult, but productive. I trust Gai will have me ready by the exam.” 

She unzipped the chunin vest and nudged open a sliding door to hang it in her closet. “That’s good.” 

When she turned, he could see the outline of her, without the bulky vest obscuring it, her shinobi blues not exactly flattering, but not concealing her body either. She reached up to tuck one of the hanging points of hair behind her ear, and his train of thought completely derailed. He wished he hadn’t let himself touch her hair the last time he’d seen her. Those little ear tails had dogged his thoughts for some time, instilling a surprisingly consistent need to fondle them that was much harder to ignore now that he’d touched one. 

Fuck. 

She was staring at him, the humor gone from her face, watching him intensely, silver eyes almost glowing. She’d noticed him get distracted, no question. But she wasn’t commenting on it. Instead, she moved toward him, one fluid step bringing them into close proximity, glancing up through her eyelashes, her pale lips parting slightly, demanding his attention and she breathed out his name, faintly, tentatively, and he could have sworn his body moved without his permission, leaning in and pressing their lips together. 

_Fuck._

This was a far cry from the conversation he’d intended to have. Just as his fingers brushed against her waist, he tried to come back to himself, started to pull away, but she had leaned into it, a delicate hand sliding around behind his head to curl fingers in his hair, her narrow frame pressing against him, letting out a soft moan against his lips and that was it.

That? Was fucking _it_. 

The hands hovering over her waist grabbed her firmly, urgently, pulling her close, and she molded to him, soft curves against the hard planes of his body, and he let out a quiet groan at the sensation. He licked at the seam of her mouth, and before he could think it was too forward, she moaned again and parted her lips and their tongues slid together, hot and slick until the kiss was almost shockingly indecent and he realized absently that both of his hands were under her shirt, smoothing over her back, the distracting curve of her waist, the fullness of her hips. 

He tugged on the hem, again almost worrying that he was being too forward, but she released him to grab at it, pulling it over her head and tossing it aside, adorably mussing her hair as she did so, and then tugged up on the front of his own shirt. He drew it roughly off, feeling it catch the tie in his hair and pull it free and the dark strands spilled over his shoulders and Hinata made this amazing, soft “ _Oh…_ ” noise and her fingers were back in his hair, tugging and carding through it while he took in her state of undress, the swell of her cleavage tight against his chest as she plastered herself to him again. He held her, smooth, soft skin distracting under his fingers, and breathed in the scent of her and kissed her again and she opened for him, wet and perfect and he realized he was achingly hard and there was no way she couldn’t tell with the way their hips were welded together. 

For another dizzying moment, he worried he’d crossed a line, assumed too much, wanted to move away, to give her space, but she was pulling on him, moving him forward while she stepped back until she was at her bedside and then, for the first time, she paused, parting their lips and drawing her hands together between them to rest on his chest while she glanced up with a light blush, wanting and hesitation clear in every line of her posture, and he nudged at her, most of his brain already gone, and the smile she sent him made an almost painful ache burst in his chest. 

She tugged him with her, until he’d settled between her legs, tongue fucking her mouth while she pulled at his hair, drawing deep groans from him, his hips grinding down, and again, he wondered if he was being too forward, but she moaned and canted her hips up, moving with him as he rubbed against her and fuck, that was too good, it was making his head spin. 

A part of Neji couldn’t believe this was happening, that she was here with him, arching into him while his hand slid down to cup her ass through her pants, encouraging her keep moving with him and shuddering as she did, her thighs locking around him and trapping his cock between them in a tight friction that had them both panting. Just as one of her hands slid down to the small of his back, pulling him into an even tighter grind, he reached up to undo the clasp of her bra, and she let him go long enough to shimmy out of it, and he actually stopped, just for a moment, stunned by the sight of her. 

She had lovely breasts, full and soft, as pale as the rest of her with tight, pink nipples, and he leaned down to lap at one, relishing the way she twisted under him, her legs tightening around him, one hand cupping the back of his head. He gently bit, worrying her nipple between his teeth, and she let out a sound that went straight to his groin, undulating beneath him, and he groaned as he pinched her other nipple. She was playing with his hair, petting through it, twisting the strands between her fingers, pulling at just the right side of pain. 

He’d been with enough women to know not all of them were sensitive enough to want men to spend a good deal of time on their chests, but he was thrilled to find that Hinata didn’t seem to be one of them. She played with his hair and rocked up into him, panting and crying out more and more urgently until he moved back up, one last bite drawing a yelp from her that he caught in a kiss, rutting against her shamelessly, and knowing instantly what he wanted to do. 

They parted wetly and he panted against her, nosing around to nip at her earlobe and murmur, almost shocked at the audible arousal in his voice, rough and deep, “Hinata…” She made a sound like a whine, holding on to him like he was the only thing that mattered. “I want to go down on you…” He played with the hem of her pants, fingertips indenting over her skin. “Is that-,” 

“ _Yes_.” She nosed at him in response, tonguing at his earlobe, making him shiver. He leaned back and she looked up at him with hooded eyes, licking kiss swollen lips. “God, Neji…” 

Well and truly carried away, he kissed her again, twining their tongues together while he eased her uniform pants down over her hips, only backing off when he couldn’t continue undressing her. He got her pants off and paused again, taking in the sight. There was a blush over her cheeks now that she was completely naked, her breasts rising as she struggled to breathe, her legs parted around him and he bit his lip, rubbing over his rock hard cock for a moment. 

Her silver eyes watched his hand; she licked her lips and murmured, “Neji… I want…” 

A desperate sound struggled to leave him, and he strangled it before it could get out. “I want that too… just…” 

He forced his hand away from himself, bracing against the bedspread and lapping at her chest again, sucking and swirling his tongue over a nipple. Taking his weight on his knees, he trailed the fingers of his other hand down her back, over her ass and her thigh, feeling her tense and then relax, her legs falling open beneath him. She wasn’t completely shaved, but rather neatly trimmed, and she whined as he stroked over the hair between her legs, lightly, teasing, before touching her more intently, sliding his fingers into the folds of her and shuddering as he did so. She was wet, and so ready. It was the kind of confirmation that she was enjoying what he was doing, that she wanted him too, that no part of him could argue with, not even the asshole voice in the back of his head. 

She rocked against him as he alternated between long strokes with his fingers and rubbing small circles over her clit. He’d intended to draw it out, had noticed that foreplay seemed to be a large part of getting women off, but she was already at the state of arousal he’d been looking for, so he sucked hard on her breast, relishing the keening sound that elicited, and slid down her body. 

One last need to check, to know, he tucked his hair over one shoulder so it was out of the way and flickered a gaze up to Hinata. She looked open and vulnerable and very aroused, brushing one hand over his cheek, and he narrowed his eyes, watching her intently as he pressed two fingers into her. Fuck, she was tight and hot around him and she flexed down into it, and he thrust in a few times before drawing them out, parting the lips of her vulva and leaning in to taste her, lapping his tongue between his fingers, and she let out a loud, uninhibited moan that had his cock pulsing between his legs. 

One of her hands fisted in his hair as he worked, and he almost purred, stroking with his fingers as he lavished attention on her, long, slow licks until she was rocking into him again, matching his movement with her hips, then moving up just slightly to suck and swirl his tongue over her clit while he finger fucked her again, working from slow to fast until she was pulling almost, but not quite, too hard on his hair and her legs had fallen all the way open, baring herself to him and trembling under his attention. 

“Neji…” Shit, he’d wanted to hear her say his name like for so long. “Oh god, that’s so good…” He could feel her tensing, that she was close, and abandoned variety for a rhythmic stimulation, thrusting his fingers quickly inside her and fastening his mouth over her clit to suck while he moved his tongue quickly. “Fuck, Neji…” She pushed up into his mouth, her body tightening. “Oh god, I’m gonna come, you’re gonna make me-,” 

Her whole body went taut and she rippled and spasmed around his fingers and under his tongue and he heard himself purr again, working her through it and absurdly gratified at how long it took, enjoying every moment until she made a sound that bordered on discomfort. He leaned back, licking his lips slowly, a little showy if he was being honest, but he couldn’t worry about his behavior because she hauled him up and kissed him, almost brutal in her intensity, cradling him with her body while her tongue plundered his mouth and her hands worked on his pants and in seconds she was holding him, stroking her delicate hand over his cock, feeling out the length and gripping him just right. 

He let out a keening sound, hips stuttering down into her hand and she breathed out, strained, “ _Oh_ , your mouth…” Her free hand traced over his lips before sliding up to grip his hair and he moaned, pressing their foreheads together, fucking down into her grip. “Neji, that was amazing.” She was twisting her hand around him, her palm rubbing over the head of his cock, spreading precum that eased the friction, but he didn’t think he even minded the friction. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been so hard in his life, his hips snapping down hard. “God, I want to go down on you, I want to suck you off and see you fall apart-,” 

He came abruptly, the visual and verbal stimulation too much, emptying himself on her stomach with his pants still mostly on, just pushed down over his hips so she could get at him, questionably fast the voice in the back of his tried to critique, but it was difficult to listen at the moment. As he caught his breath, he brushed a light kiss over her lips, settling on her briefly before wondering if he was too heavy and pushing up just enough to lay beside her instead. 

She moved with him, so they were still pressed together, head to toe, and before he knew what he was doing, he was playing with one of her ear tails, stroking it while his other arm held her close, feeling full and happy and warm and fuck, he still hadn’t actually told her how he felt. She didn’t seem upset though; she was nestling against him, throwing one bare thigh over his leg still clad in pants, tucking against his chest, and it was so wonderfully nice that it was verging on circling back around to too nice, the kind of unbelievable nice he’d learned never to trust. 

He kept fondling the little point of hair over her ear, because apparently he couldn’t stop, but he finally forced himself to speak, his voice still noticeably husky, “Hinata?” 

“Hmm?” 

For a moment he couldn’t reply; she sounded relaxed and content and safe and some part of him couldn’t believe he’d made her sound that way. “I…” Okay, so maybe he didn’t know what to say now. 

Hinata huffed out a quiet laugh between them. “Wasn’t expecting that to happen?” 

She’d tucked a little closer, and he leaned down to bury his nose in her hair, inhaling the faint scent of jasmine. “I’m glad that it did.” Honesty seemed like a good choice, if nothing else. 

“Me too.” Her voice was muffled against his throat, her breath tickling across his skin. “We should probably talk about it though,” she added wryly. 

A laugh threatened in his throat. “Probably. I was going to ask if you were free for dinner tonight.” 

“Mm. Yeah. Dinner. I’m free for dinner. My place?” 

Now he did laugh. “Good. That’s good. We should have dinner tonight.” 

She leaned back to regard him with small, enticing smile. “Good.” Her hand stroked over his side. “We can talk and then have-,” she paused, brow crinkling, and groaned, dropping her head down on the pillow. 

“I take it you may not actually be free?” he interpreted, his hand absently returning to fondling one of her ear tails. 

“My mother has insisted on a meeting tonight.” She glanced down at her stomach, where Neji’s cum was drying and groaned again. “God, I’m probably late actually.” 

Reluctantly, he sat up, tucking himself back into his pants but not bothering to zip them up for the moment, glancing at the setting sun to try to get some idea of the time. “Why don’t we speak tomorrow, then?” 

He ran a hand through his hair, finding it extremely mussed, his scalp still tingling pleasantly. Fuck. He could still taste her, and it was making it difficult for him to concentrate on anything else. She had a meeting with her mother. That was important. She shouldn’t blow that off. He licked his lips, and watched her eyes follow the movement, then glanced down at the rest of her, still completely naked and nope, that wasn’t a helpful train of thought, not at all. 

She was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, her gaze roaming over his chest and that was not helping either. Neji took in a breath, leaned down to kiss her, humming in pleasure at the feeling of her hand sliding over his stomach to settle at his waist. He didn’t move away immediately when they parted, murmuring, “Tomorrow?” 

She nodded, and he forced himself to leave her bed, gathering his shirt off the floor and tying his hair back quickly as he left. 

__________ 

Talking to her mother would have been awkward anyway, it always was, but seeing her after a rushed shower and change of clothes, her mind only half there because it insisted on replaying what had just happened with Neji, had taken it to brand new heights of uncomfortable. She’d fidgeted with the hem of her shirt all through dinner, while her mother made her displeasure known that she hadn’t given the go ahead for the clan elders to publicly announce the engagement yet and demanded to know how much longer they would have to wait. Given that Hinata’s agreement was perfunctory in her mother’s mind, it seemed silly for her to let it hold things up, but the appearance of harmony had always been important to the woman, and Hinata supposed she wanted it to seem as if her daughter was choosing this, whatever the reality may be. 

Hinata figured it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell her mother that she and Neji would probably be having sex right at that moment if she hadn’t been required to show up for family dinner, so she kept that to herself, demurring and simply saying that they were still reconnecting. Hanabi’s sharp gaze said her sister was probably picking up on the fact that she was hiding things, but their mother had made a habit of completely ignoring her elder daughter, so she was reasonably certain her mother was at least in the dark about any subterfuge. 

The grating way her mother always spoke about the branch house, and Neji in particular, also rankled more than ever, and she’d found herself clenching her jaw for long stretches to avoid causing another argument over her mother’s attitude. In the end, she was required to stay through tea and only allowed to leave once she’d brought up her chunin exam duties. The next day saw an early wake up, with many laborious hours of exam prep. 

Most of it was spent going over the written test; since it took most genin several tries to pass, it had to be different every year. They’d assigned Anko to preside over the written portion, which seemed ill advised in Hinata’s estimation, but no one had asked her, so she settled for sharing exasperated glances with Kiba as the overly energetic Anko paced and yelled and chafed at every aspect of the set up. 

The day ended with a briefing of the genin teams at the academy. The kids were enthusiastic, bright and cheerful, which seemed to rankle Anko, and Hinata had to work hard not to laugh as she stalked around, hissing and trying to scare them, much to the amusement of their jounin instructors. When they were finally dismissed, Kurenai’s current genin team came sprinting over, waving at her and Kiba, who they treated as minor celebrities for having trained under Kurenai first, which was extremely charming, especially because of how much it annoyed Ino when they ignored her. 

They were milling around between them, demanding details on what would happen in the test and whining when she and Kiba refused to divulge any, when she felt a sudden, chilling change in Kiba’s mood and followed his gaze to find Neji crossing the academy grounds. She sent the Inuzuka a smile, hoping to settle him a bit, and waved at Neji. 

He nodded at her stiffly, friendly but restrained. “Hinata.” 

Before she could say anything, Sako, decidedly the loudest of Kurenai’s current genin, pushed long, chestnut hair out of his eyes to look up at Neji and outright yelled, “Who’s this?! Is that your boyfriend, Hinata?” drawing stares from the remaining chunin instructors while her cheeks burned. 

Kai stared at Neji, then scrunched up her face and turned to Hinata, small arms crossed tightly over her chest, demanding with an air of personal betrayal, “I thought Kiba was your boyfriend?!” 

She gaped down at the kids while Ino fairly died laughing. The idea that they had been speculating about her love life was off putting, to say the least, and the unsubtle listening in from the other chunin instructors wasn’t helping. 

Thank god for Ino, who took that moment to usher the kids away with both hands and shoot a glare at the eavesdropping adults. “Now, now, that’s none of your business. Briefing is over, off with all of you!” 

A little embarrassed, she glanced at Kiba, looking to share some sympathy, and found him staring at Neji like the Hyuuga had just struck him, inhaling sharply. When his slit pupil eyes finally found hers, he was glaring at her with a baffling mix of hurt and anger, and she paused, completely lost. Neji had been there for less than a minute, and had barely said anything, what could she have missed between them? 

“Kiba-,” 

“Have a good night.” His jaw was clenched, his tone clipped, and he spun and stalked away before she could reply, Akamaru following warily in his wake. 

“Did something happen today?” Neji, at least, seemed as confused as she was, and she shrugged a little helplessly. 

“I don’t… know? I don’t know what’s wrong.” She sighed at the Inuzuka’s retreating back. “I’ll talk to him when he’s calmed down…” Whatever had upset him, she’d learned long ago that speaking to Kiba when he was angry was rarely productive. The dark feeling his departure had created lifted a bit as she glanced back at Neji. “Hi.” 

A good deal of the stiffness and restraint melted off him, his lips curving slightly, distractingly. “Hi.” 

They regarded each other for a loaded moment before she realized they still had an audience, though her fellow chunin instructors were all doing a passably convincing impression of having forgotten they were there. Neji took a half step back, angling himself toward the exit in invitation, and she gratefully followed him off the academy grounds. Of course, once they were headed down the street, she found herself clamming up. 

Ino had advised her to act the way she would with any boy she was interested in, and she had to give credit to her friend’s advice in one regard. She’d shown her interest and confirmed that yes, Neji was interested in her as well, and it had been a damn good confirmation. The rest of what lay between them remained undiscussed though, and she didn’t have any practice at telling someone she’d been secretly attracted to them for years and wanted to consider continuing their arranged engagement rather than calling it off. Oddly enough, that particular situation had not presented itself before. 

When she glanced his way, she found Neji watching her intently, and her blush returned. He really was gorgeous, even more so when all his interest was focused in one direction, unfairly so when the focus was her. 

His silver eyes traced the color over her cheeks before he finally took pity on her, asking softly, with the hint of a shared joke between them, “Matsuko’s?” 

This drew a surprised chuckle from her, remembering their first strange dinner after the engagement announcement. That seemed like ages ago. She hadn’t thought much about his suggestion of restaurant the first time around, but now it seemed less like a coincidence that he’d chosen one of her favorite places in the village. Had he actually been paying attention to her before all this? 

They walked a familiar path to the restaurant with easy small talk, though there was a pretty obvious tension in Neji’s posture. It was nice to see that he couldn’t go back to acting normal after what had happened, despite the fact that it compounded the awkwardness. By the time they were seated, she was trying to come up with a way to start the conversation, and it seemed like he was too, because they simply regarded each other for bit. The silence was companiable, but frustrating. 

Once drinks arrived, they clinked glasses, Neji watching her tap it on the tabletop with mild amusement and murmuring, “I have finished the book of short stories.” 

It was ridiculous how relieved she was by the offer of a benign subject, though she was genuinely excited he had actually read the book she’d lent him. “What did you think?” 

“I wasn’t sure I’d like it after the first few pages. And honestly, I didn’t think I liked it after the first few stories.” He paused, as if for dramatic effect, sipping his sake. “Then I got kidnapped for three days, and I had a lot of time to think in the woods while I was waiting for my traps to spring. And I found myself ruminating on the imagery and revisiting the prose. It was quite vivid, and it made it a lasting impression.” 

She held her breath, not yet sure which way his opinion was going to hash out. 

“I would like to read more of his works, if you don’t mind lending me another.” 

A grin broke out over her face. “Yes, of course I wouldn’t mind. Though you should know, the price of my generosity is telling me everything you thought about his work.” 

Neji seemed to gear himself up, as if he had a lot to say about the short story collection, and she was supremely gratified to find that he did. In fact, they accidentally passed the entire dinner discussing literature from Sand and only realized they hadn’t actually talked about the topic at hand once the waiter was collecting the check. At which point, Hinata struggled not to laugh at the overt parallels to that first dinner, Neji visibly freezing at the table as he realized they’d made it a few hours and a few bottles of sake without bringing up the thing which needed to be discussed. 

The park didn’t seem like the place she wanted to air her long-held feelings, so she invited him to her place, and they kept a respectful distance the whole way there, through the village and the main house hallways, the sake warm in her stomach, a blush she was concerned was going to become permanent refusing to leave her face the whole way. At least she could blame it on the sake, which seemed unfair, since she was pretty sure she was going to need the liquid courage to come clean after spending an entire dinner completely avoiding any mention of what had gone on between them. 

And maybe the liquid courage wasn’t the worst thing, because they made their way into her sitting room and the door swung shut behind them and she blurted out, “I-I like you.” 

And maybe the liquid courage _was_ the worst thing, because he froze again, staring at her with an unreadable expression that for all she knew was masking horror. She rushed to explain. 

“I mean, I liked you before, before this. I didn’t just decide I liked you now or because I was sort of ordered to or…” Argh, that wasn’t great. “I mean, I liked you for a while, that is. Not that it’s not okay if you didn’t like me before and you only like me now.” An awful thought occurred to her, and she winced. “Or if you don’t like me now, that’s okay too, that’s fine. It’s not like we made promises to each other, I don’t want to assume…” 

To her immense gratitude, Neji interrupted her slow death by awkward rambling, putting a hand on her shoulder, the touch stilling her words, drawing all of her into a sharp focus on the warmth of his hand. 

“Hinata…” He seemed as nervous as she felt, now that they were alone, his projected emotionlessness stripped away. “I did like you before.” He seemed to parse the ambiguity of that statement, and added, breathing deeply like he was steeling himself for some great trial, “I like you now. I think… that I liked you from the moment I saw you.” 

The breath punched out of her, and for a few seconds, all she could do was stare up at him. She remembered the day they’d met, this strange, pretty boy her father had insisted she needed to know, and she’d been so shy she’d hid behind his leg instead of going over to say hi. She wouldn’t have blamed Neji for interpreting her shyness as looking down on him, but miraculously, it seemed that he hadn’t. At least, not a first. 

“I…” She suddenly realized her delayed reaction was making him anxious, and she grabbed him, her hands clenched in the fabric around his waist. “Do you think we could…?” 

He leaned close, his fingers brushing along her jaw, settling on her neck, the touch achingly intimate. “Could?” 

Hinata swallowed. Time to be brave. “I don’t want to continue the engagement.” Neji stiffened, and she barreled on, cursing how she’d chosen to start, squeezing tighter around his waist. “I mean, I don’t want to have an engagement just because we were ordered to. And I don’t just want to call it off because we want to tell the clan to go fuck itself.” She felt the muscles under her hand starting to relax, though he still looked confused and she couldn’t blame him. “Maybe we could get married, maybe we could be happy together. I just want to think about us, if… if you want there to be an us. I want to try what it would be like to be together, to ignore the rest of it, to just meet as equals.” 

He seemed to shudder under her touch and swallowed thickly before replying, his voice laden with emotion. “I would like there to be an us. I’d like to try it.” 

While part of her wondered if it could possibly be that easy, the rest of her brain fucked off on vacation as he closed the distance between them, kissing her, still a little carefully, as if he wasn’t sure how she would react even after she’d clumsily poured all her feelings out. Well, the time for pretending she didn’t want what she wanted was well and truly done, and Hinata intended to be clear. 

She parted her lips in invitation, tugging him tightly against her and humming in approval as he groaned and twined his tongue with hers. His hands were firm, stroking over her back, slipping under her shirt, making her shiver and rub against him and she could feel his interest against her hip, wanted to feel it more closely. 

She tugged him after her into her bedroom, shutting them in, pulling off his shirt and her own, meeting him in another wet, heated kiss, carding her fingers through his hair and loving the keening sound it evoked from him as he flicked open the back of her bra. The bra wound up on the floor, one of his hands palmed against her chest, cupping and then fondling, sending little sparks of pleasure down between her legs while he nosed past her temple to nip at her earlobe. 

She tugged at the front of his pants, a little uncoordinated, lightheaded from the way he was manhandling her, somehow gentle and commanding at the same time. Finally, she was able to slip a hand down, to wrap her fingers around hard, silky heat, and Neji bucked his hips toward her, gripping and massaging her ass down the back of her pants with his other hand. Hinata stroked him, enjoyed the way his body responded, everything he was oriented toward her while her fingers mapped out the length and weight of him. He had a great cock, thick and long without being overly so, and she ached to have it inside her. 

The thought was enough to make her move, drawing away and tugging again at the hem of his pants, murmuring, “I want you naked.” 

His silver gaze watched her intently as he undressed the rest of the way, complying with her direction to lay flat on the bed while she got rid of her own pants. His eyes on her warmed every inch of her body, tracing indulgently over every curve like he was trying to memorize her. She straddled him, settling over his waist while he traced up over her thighs, and even while she marveled at the sight of him, all smooth pale skin only occasionally marked by scars and ebony black hair laid out beneath her, she furrowed her brow slightly. 

“Wait.” His touch stilled, his expression inquisitive and then flinched as she reached out to brush past his cheekbone and trace the edge of the black headband he wore when he wasn’t wearing his forehead protector. “Can I…? I understand, if you’d rather not of course…” 

Neji’s face was back to unreadable, assessing her cautiously, and he finally asked quietly, “Why do you want to?” 

Hinata wondered if this was something she should even try to talk about, but she’d decided to be honest. “It’s… it’s not something that needs to be hidden between us. I don’t want you to think any part of you needs to be concealed with me.” 

Wariness tensed through his shoulders as he seemed to consider what to say to that. After long seconds, he murmured, “It’s ugly.” 

She drew her hand down to stroke over his cheek and then his jaw. If he took off the headband, it had to be his choice. “What it symbolizes is awful, but the mark itself is part of you. No part of you is ugly, Neji.” 

While he mulled that over, Hinata wondered if being naked together for only the second time was an appropriate moment to have brought this up. Just as she was kicking herself for her decision to do so, he let go of her thighs, reaching hesitantly up and grabbing the hem of the headband. He hesitated for a moment, as if he’d changed his mind, but then dragged it off quickly, dropping it off the side of the bed and resting his hands limply against the bedspread. 

The mark stared up at her, twisting lines and harsh angles, thin, matte black symbols forced on him and every other member of the branch house. She knew the real reason members of the branch house were required to keep the marks covered; to protect members of the main house from confronting what they’d done every time they looked at their victims. What it symbolized _was_ ugly, a shameful practice that had violated Neji and every other branch house member’s autonomy for generations. The discomfort was part of why she didn’t want it hidden between them. She didn’t deserve to pretend it wasn’t there, when Neji couldn’t escape it, and it was indelibly part of who he was. 

Regretfully, it was causing him discomfort as well, his silver eyes cast to the side, studying her dresser rather than meeting her gaze. She leaned close, the warmth welcome in the press of their bodies, petting through his hair, framing his face, drawing his attention back to her. 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

The compliment tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop herself, still not sure if a man would appreciate having that word used to describe him. A light pink dusted his pale cheeks, and Neji seemed not to know what to say, his lips parting slightly, and she kissed him softly. Softly, until she felt him touching her again, petting over her thighs, her butt, the small of her back, making her shift around on top of him, moaning into his mouth. 

They were both breathing heavily when they parted. She could feel his hardness pulsing against her and reached between them, fondling him as she drew his cock up and nestled it against her vulva, sliding his thickness into the folds and rocking her hips down, rubbing herself against him. Their noses brushed and she shivered, feeling the head of his cock passing over her clit as she rolled her hips, mutual arousal making the drag between them slick and easy. 

“Is this alright?” 

“ _Yes._ ” 

They panted against each other while he palmed her ass, encouraging and intensifying her movement until they were rocking perfectly together. She wasn’t sure how long they did so, she’d gotten lost in the achingly good feeling, gripping his hair tightly, pressing their foreheads together, whimpering at the nearly rough touch of his hands, the heady promise of his throbbing hardness. 

She knew she was desperately wet by the time they slowed, her voice thready with arousal as she murmured, “Neji… please, I want you inside me. Will you…?” 

He hissed out another strained, “ _Yes,_ ” and got a hand under her, making enough space to rub over her clit and then his fingers were tracing down, pushing inside while she cried out. “Are you-,” 

“I’m ready,” she rode his fingers roughly, bracing herself on his shoulders, then his chest, throwing her head back. 

He watched her open longing, fingering her quickly, hissing, “God, look at you. You’re so lovely, Hinata. _Fuck._ ” He pushed his fingers deep, thrusting quickly. “You _are_ ready for me.” 

She enjoyed his fingers for a few more seconds, the promise they made of something larger, and finally reached over him, groping in the top drawer of her nightstand. There was lube in there somewhere… She was plenty wet and ready, but pain had never been something she enjoyed in bed and she’d decided long ago that the slicker the better was a rule for her. Neji tugged it out of her grip once she’d found it, fingers retreating until they’d been coated and then slipping back in even easier. She was marginally relieved; from her own experiences and complaints from the women in her life, she knew some men could get pissy about lube in the bedroom, like they thought it was some kind of indication the women they were with weren’t excited enough by them. Neji hadn’t blinked at it, and was spreading it with a practiced mastery, slicking her up inside and out and until everything was slippery perfection. 

He nudged up, and she was lost enough in the sensation of his hand that it took her a few seconds to get what he wanted, but she was happy to roll to the side and let him on top, spreading her legs and running her nails down his back, relishing the deep groan he let out and the quick twist of his fingers. Then he was leaning back, eyes raking over her while he panted out, “Condoms?” 

“ _Ngh._ ” She twisted, biting her lip, trying to get her sluggish brain to catch up with his voice. Condoms. Right. There were condoms in that drawer, but she hadn’t grabbed one with the lube. She waved a hand toward the still open nightstand. “There. Just…” He paused, and she felt a little self-conscious. “I’m on birth control, and I’m clean, if you are… um, and if you want to…” 

Neji gave another deep, strained groan, and leaned down, pressing their foreheads together again, murmuring against her, “Are you sure?” 

The sensation of being beneath him, his larger body pressing her down, so close to being inside her, it was making heat twist in her stomach, making her pulse with arousal. “Yes. Yes, I’m sure.” 

They kissed, slow and open and filthy, Neji palming her breasts until she was whimpering for it again, urging her body up into his, needing to feel him inside. He leaned back onto his knees, quickly squeezing out more lube and spreading it over his cock without needing to be asked and she moaned, watching him touch himself. Fuck, she really needed to go down on him, and soon. She licked her lips. Next time. Definitely next time. 

Then he was over her again, braced on one arm while he guided himself toward her and he paused again, searching over her face, something yearning and oddly vulnerable in his expression. “You’re sure?” 

She couldn’t reach his face, so she settled for locking a hand around his arm, anchoring herself, trying to communicate her certainty. “Yes, Neji. Want you, need to feel you… please…” 

He leaned in, and she let out another whimper when he pushed the head of his cock up, through the folds of her, instead of entering immediately, repeating the gesture a few times until she was shivery and relaxed, stroking over where she was holding his arm. Finally, she felt him pushing in and strangled a noise of discomfort, because the initial moment was always a bit much, like her body wasn’t expecting anything to go up there. Something like pain shot through her, despite her readiness, despite the lubricant, as she stretched to accommodate the head of his cock, heat and wetness opening her. She loved this aspect of sex, so visceral and real, so undeniably a connection between two people. 

A hiss escaped her, and he paused, a little tentative, and she raised her legs to clench around his hips and moaned out, “More…” and he pushed again, hard and big and it burned, but it was slipping into her easily if not painlessly, deep, and she couldn’t stop herself from letting an embarrassingly wanton, “ _Ooooohhhh…_ ” as he was finally all the way in. 

“Hinata…” His voice was rough and dark, she’d never heard him like this, even the last time they’ve been together. He seemed almost to be trembling, but he was watching her carefully. “How do you feel?” 

Her voice was tight, squeezed around the remaining discomfort, but she could already feel it fading, replaced by incredible fullness and a heady feeling of closeness. “More…” He thrust slowly, shallowly, and she let out another breathy ‘ _oooohhh_ ’ sound. “Yes… Neji, that feels good…” 

The encouragement seemed to impart confidence, and he thrust again, a little harder, and she clenched him firmly with her thighs and that must have been enough because at last he was fucking her with smooth, quick movements, pulling most of the way out each time so she felt him entering her again and again, felt the pleasure of the stretch and fullness of it while he grunted and panted over her. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight. Hinata…” He was gorgeous as he moved, his hair falling over one shoulder, catching the low light in the room, his handsome features awash with pleasure, his silver eyes hooded, full lips parted. “Wanted… wanted so badly to feel you around me, like this. You’re amazing… so lovely…” 

Looking up at him, feeling his perfect cock pumping inside her, it was almost too much. Their extended foreplay had her primed, and Hinata moved a hand down over her stomach, rocking up to meet his movements, circling her fingertips over her clit, moaning out a ragged chant of _yes_ and _Neji_ and _so good_ until she came almost unexpectedly, her body clenching in ecstasy, pleasure rippling through her all the way down to her toes. He fucked her through it, not altering his pace until her orgasm passed, then bending his elbows to brush their mouths distractedly together while she twisted her fingers harshly in his hair and his hips stuttered, his rhythm getting lost as his own orgasm approached. 

He kissed her messily, breathing out her name against her lips, one hand sliding up under her jaw to tilt her head back, then kissed and lapped at her throat and her collarbone and then he pushed deep and hard and she felt him pulsing inside her, wetness and heat spreading through her as he circled his hips minutely, shoving down roughly until he was spent. She stroked through his hair as he did, inwardly marveling at the sensation. Sex with no condom was a first for her; she hadn’t exactly planned in advance to offer it, but at the moment he’d asked for a condom, it had felt right. Now she thought it was nice, even more intimate, even as she wondered if that was just psychosomatic. There wasn’t that much that was different about the experience. Except the mess she would definitely have to deal with when she went to the bathroom. 

That could wait though, because Neji was slipping out, drawing a muffled, involuntary noise from her, and settling beside her. Hinata turned to face him, pleased to find his arm around her as it had been the first time, holding her close. She leaned into his broad chest while he fondled one of her ear tails and laid a soft kiss over her forehead. 

“How do you feel?” 

It was difficult not to let a broad, satisfied smile pass over her face. “So good. That was incredible.” 

“It was.” The soft admission made the smile impossible to suppress. “I think trying this out between us is going well?” 

A tiny note of insecurity transformed the statement into a question, and she leaned back to look at him, folding an arm around him so she could hold him return. The mark was bold against his pale skin, inescapable, a sign of trust from him that he’d let her see it. “I think it is. I’d like to keep doing it, if you would.” 

His grip around her tightened possessively. “Yes. I would.” He hesitated, the note of insecurity still there as he asked, “What do you want to do about the engagement?” 

Hinata pondered the question. There was an obvious answer, lying here naked with the other half of the engagement, feeling his cum starting to slide out of her which, wow, that was a weird feeling. Still nice, but weird, and it was making her wonder if she was weird for thinking it felt nice. Damnit, that wasn’t helping. 

“Well. I really don’t just want to call it off to send a ‘fuck you’ to the clan elders. It just feels like a different way of letting them dictate our lives since we do want to try being together… does that make sense?” The reasoning felt circular to her, but it didn’t change the way she felt. 

“I think so.” Being held by Neji was lovely, so warm and comforting. It felt like nothing bad could happen as long as he had his arms around her. “Perhaps we could consider a very long, non-binding engagement?” 

A giggle escaped her before she could stop it. “The elders would hate that.” So would her mother. “Would it be okay with you?” 

His gaze was serious and sincere, almost hard to look at. “Yes. For us. If it was for you and me, yes, I would be okay with it.” 

“You and me…” Hinata smiled widely, leaning in to kiss him. 

__________ 

Neji stayed the night, though they had to part early in the morning so that he could get to his training with Gai and she could get to the chunin exam preparations. They may have parted quickly, but they’d certainly enjoyed the evening, talking until they were both somewhat recovered, then wearing each other out again by Hinata finally getting to go down on him and Neji fingering her until she came in his lap. She felt well fucked and warm and desired, the kind of mood it seemed impossible to break, until she got to the academy and went to greet Kiba and watched his face transform from wary at the sight of her to outright betrayal as she approached him. 

He was even angrier than he’d been the day before, and she was baffled as to the cause. They were allocated into teams again, today to stress test and layer up the security for the tournament arena, and Kiba was weird and hostile the entire day, during which Ino shot her increasingly confused and exasperated looks to which Hinata could only wince and shrug. 

She’d been planning to tell Kiba what had happened the previous night, knowing how invested he was in the outcome of her arranged marriage, which had been a daunting enough prospect. In the face of clear evidence that he was already mad at her for something, the conversation was even less appealing, which was saying something. Nevertheless, he deserved her honesty, not her cowardice, so when he turned to leave at the end of the day, she called his name firmly, trusting that he wouldn’t literally flee from her. 

Ino waved and sent her a ‘good luck’ grimace, disappearing into the trees around the stadium, despite Hinata knowing that she was desperately curious as to what Kiba’s problem was. He waited, staring at her darkly, while the rest of the chunin instructors took their leave, Akamaru pacing behind him, clearly agitated by his master’s state of mind. 

Eventually they were alone in the observer’s booth, surrounded by concrete walls, empty rows of seating spreading out below them toward the arena, and he snapped out, “What?” 

Unexpectedly, the irritated opener prompted her own irritation to flash out. “What do you mean, ‘what?’ What’s going on, Kiba?” 

He leaned against the bay windows of the observer’s booth, crossing his arms and staring petulantly out at the sky overhead, the red of the tattoos on his cheeks thrown into sharp relief by the sunlight. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Give me a break! You’ve been strange and hostile all day. Yesterday you stormed off with no explanation. Something is going on, please don’t pretend like it’s not obvious you’re angry with me.” 

His jaw tensed, nose crinkling, and Hinata felt something cold in the pit of her stomach. Whatever was wrong, it was definitely about her, and he was more than angry about it. Akamaru was whining softly, watching Kiba unhappily, the guard hairs around his neck bristling in anxiety. She took a deep breath, searching for patience, wracking her brain to try to figure out what she’d done. 

Just as the silence became unbearable, Kiba threw his arms down to his sides and outright yelled, “Of course I’m angry with you!” His slit-pupil eyes were narrowed, his fangs on full display. “How could you, Hinata?!” 

“How could I _what?!_ What’s wrong?!” 

“How could you sleep with Neji?!” 

Stunned, her mouth dropped open. She’d been planning to tell him her decision that very day, but not to give him a detailed account of what had gone on in her bedroom. Her embarrassment must have been obvious, because Kiba’s handsome face twisted into a sneer. 

“I could smell something on you yesterday, but I didn’t realize what it was until I got too close to Neji. Now it’s _much_ more distinct.” A blush burned over her cheeks at the, admittedly accidental, invasion of her privacy, while she wondered how in the world she’d managed to forget about the Inuzuka clan’s sense of smell and Kiba growled, staring her down furiously. “How could you spread your legs for that goddamn asshole?! Are you so desperate for his respect you’d try to earn it on your back?!” 

“ _Kiba!_ ” Her voice didn’t do a shout very well, so unused to doing so, but she managed one anyway. Her own anger was rising to meet his, humiliated and hurt. “H-How c-could you… H-How _dare_ you? I’m not beholden to you and I’m not a goddamned child. I can make my own choices and it’s actually _none_ of your business!” 

“Sure, I’m just your friend, your teammate, the person who helped you walk again after he fucking tried to kill you. Who am I to have an opinion?” 

“An opinion where you shame me for choosing what to do with my own body?!” 

He hissed, verging on a snarl. “If what you’re doing is _Neji._ ” He spat the name out in disgust. “What were you thinking?! Giving him another way to hurt you, a worse way, and handing the clan a reason to refuse you when you call off the engagement? They’ll say you’ve committed to each other if they find out and you know it!” 

“Then it’s a good thing we’re not calling it off!” 

He froze, face going ashen and totally slack, as if she’d slapped him. Tremors ran down his body and Akamaru leapt between them suddenly, turning his enormous body in a tiny circle in the cramped space to stare plaintively up at Kiba, his flank presenting a barrier to Hinata. In that moment, she couldn’t tell who he was trying to deter, and it was honestly frightening. Akamaru was attuned to the Inuzuka’s every mood, could detect the smallest changes in him, and the dog looked like he didn’t know what Kiba might do. 

“Kiba…” She tried with all her might to calm her tone. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know about his situation, didn’t know that he had his own reasons to be emotional about this. “This isn’t about you or your relationship. Neji and I… look, I liked him bef-,” 

“Don’t act like you understand my relationship, what this is like for me, none of you do! Not you, not Ino or Shikamaru, not even fucking _Shino-,_ ” He snapped his jaw shut, cutting himself off, eyes squeezing tightly, shutting her out, suddenly leaning on Akamaru’s shoulder like he couldn’t keep himself up. 

“Kiba-,” 

In a snap he spun, whipping the air around him as he crashed through the half-open door of the observer’s booth, gone before she could get another word out. Hinata stared at the space he and Akamaru had left, at a loss. Part of her felt like she should have seen Kiba taking her choice personally, while another part bristled at his judgement and his hateful words, at the thought that he had any right to try to make her ashamed of herself. He’d set himself against Neji many years ago, and had spent her recovery from the chunin exam, in which he had indeed held her up as she’d tried to get to her feet and discovered her abused body was in much worse shape than they’d thought, going on and on in great and vicious detail about how badly he was going to hurt Neji for what he’d done. 

For all her concern over telling Kiba what she’d decided, it had managed to go far worse than she could have imagined. Hinata made her way home in something of a haze, hurt and anger battling for pride of place inside her, distracting enough that she didn’t notice her sister trying to get her attention until she’d already crossed the threshold of the main hall. 

Hanabi finally grabbed her arm, her typically expressionless face tight with worry, and jerked her head back toward the entrance, murmuring above the sound of a crash coming from further inside, “You may want to come back later.” 

Confusion kept her rooted to the spot for a few seconds, which was a few seconds too long, because then her mother was rounding the corner, fury loud in every stomp of her foot and the set of her jaw. Hanabi flinched as their mother took Hinata by the other arm, fairly dragging her into the dining room and slamming the door. Her mother drew herself up to full height, practically shaking, silver eyes narrowed to slit. 

“Do you have any idea what I was just forced to listen to?” Her voice was soft and dangerous, and she continued on before Hinata had a chance to try to guess. “It seems that Neji was seen entering your wing last night and did not remove himself until the morning. He stayed in your _bedroom._ ” 

She blinked, blindsided. “I…” 

“How could you do this?” Her mother was hissing, venomous. “It has made it through the serving staff. They will assume that you let that… that _boy_ touch you.” 

Bewildered, she groped for a response. “…you’re the one who decided to go ahead with the engagement.” 

“It has not been publicly announced!” 

It wasn’t as though she hadn’t predicted that Neji’s coming and going would be noted and get back to her mother, but the reaction was not what she’d been expecting. “Even so… I’ve dated before, mother-,” 

“Not someone from the branch house! For you to be seen cavorting with one of them, with that…” It seemed her mother could not think of an insult sufficient enough to capture the affront of Neji’s very existence. “It’s demeaning. You are outside the confines of a public engagement, and you have profaned the main house of the Hyuuga.” 

On top of the confrontation with Kiba, this was more than Hinata was prepared to handle, and without thinking about it she locked eyes with her mother and snapped, “Imagine how _profaned_ the main house would be know that he _has_ touched me?” A gasp punctuated the space between them, and she felt a terrible satisfaction as she added, “We had sex. More than once.” 

For a jointly hilarious and horrifying moment, she thought her mother might faint. Horror won over hilarity when the woman got her voice back, disgust crawling over her face. 

“How dare you? You let that… that…” 

“I didn’t _let_ him do anything, we had sex because we both wanted to. You’re the one who decided to go through with the engagement father arranged, which you must have known would result in us being intimate.” 

“For the bloodline!” Her mother looked on the verge of tearing her own hair out. “Not so you could whore yourself out to some lowly ingrate so he can use your body to demean the main house like this.” 

“Mother!” Belatedly, she thought she understood, confusion giving way to a cold understanding. “So… you were fine with practically selling me off for the good of the bloodline, but only if I did it as a miserable duty. You expected me to comply, but not to be happy with any part of this. As long I was unhappy, it wouldn’t seem as if there was anything of value to be had but his blood.” 

“That _is_ the only value he has,” she snarled. 

“No. It isn’t. I won’t hear you speak about him like that.” 

“Not this again. Your misguided ideas about the branch house have no place in this family or this clan.” 

“Since I’m closer to anyone in the branch house than you’ve ever been, I’ll keep my own counsel on that.” 

Her mother crossed her arms tightly, adopting a strained, authoritative tone. “You will immediately cease contact outside of chaperoned visits. The engagement will be announced tomorrow, and you will marry as soon as we are able to arrange it so you can discontinue your mission work and produce children.” 

“No.” The quiet word shot through the space between them like an arrow. “Announce the engagement tomorrow if you like. Neji and I will see each other as we please, and we will set a date for the wedding when we’re ready and not a moment before that.” 

Her mother gaped at her. “I will not allow this!” 

“It’s not your decision. If you do not announce the engagement, we will continue to see each other and do so openly. You don’t have any say over that. We’ll give you the arranged marriage as you wanted, but that’s all.” 

Rage flashed across her mother’s face, one hand compulsively raising to her chest in the seal of the cursed mark of the branch house. “I will not allow this… he cannot disobey me. If you’re so sympathetic, you can watch him suffer for both of your transgressions.” 

An answering rage swelled inside her, and Hinata abruptly swept her hand over the dining room table. Multipiece dining sets in delicate porcelain and blown glass flew to the floor in a nearly deafening crash, scattering glittery shards around them. Her byakugan activated without a thought, chakra pathways flaring and, incredibly, her mother took a step back. 

“If you harm him, you harm me. You wanted my compliance, and you have the greatest degree of it I’m willing to offer. If you ever activate the cursed seal on Neji again, I will go to the clan elders and contest the lineage.” This elicited a much louder gasp from her mother. “I will seek my rightful place as heir, and you will be forced to disown me to stop it.” 

The right had always been available to her, though Hinata would never have dreamed of availing herself of it before. Contesting the clan heir position would not succeed; her mother could simply petition the elders and they would put Hanabi’s ability with the bloodline limit above Hinata’s birthright as she had. But it would have to be done publicly, dragging the entire clan through a painful and humiliating spectacle that Hinata would have immense freedom to exacerbate. And the threat would not expire; as long as Hinata was alive, being the firstborn granted her the right to contest her sidelining as the heir. 

They stared each other down, the sound of labored breathing filling the air around them, Hinata’s in anger, her mother’s in fear. 

“You… you can’t…” 

Her bloodline limit flowed through her, sharpening her senses and tightening her muscles, and she felt the exhilaration of strength and surety. “You’ll find that I can, mother.”

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, this story really got away from me and I'm not even sure how it happened. One scene climbed into my brain and refused to leave until I wrote it down, and now here we are, 30,000 words later. At least the overall structure of how this fits into the KibaShino story I was _trying_ to tell is all in here. Parts four and five are roughly simultaneous, so finishing off four is dragging a bit. 
> 
> Extra bonus points if anyone can guess which scene climbed into my brain and refused to leave! Also, Tenten doesn't have a last name? Did everyone already know that? Because it was news to me. What the fuck? What happened there?! 
> 
> Thank you for checking out my story, lovely reader! I hope it added something positive to your day in these trying times as 2021 decides it's coming in hot... Comments are both deeply appreciated and cravenly sought after, so let me know what you thought if you have the time! Even if you just want to yell at me for this weird, long interlude in my KibaShino story...


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